I Survived A Brazilian!

Freshly waxed and freshly loopy from the giant painkiller I took about an hour and a half ago, I am here to tell you that I survived the Brazilian!

I woke up this morning at 9:00am and promptly took a 5mg pain killer. I don't even know what kind it was, just that I wanted something stronger than an iBuprofen. I then took your advice and I exfoliated my lady bits in preparation for what was to come. I contemplated drinking some alcohol, but in the end, decided against it. I mean, I didn't want to be a complete train wreck for my appointment, knowhatimsayin?

The Dizzle, being the sweetheart that he is, drove me to the appointment after seeing the loopiness set in and made the executive decision that I shouldn't drive myself (have I mentioned me pills = a rarity and therefore I get extra loopy?).

I checked in at 10:00am with a belly full of butterflies, but also really ready. Really, really ready. After three long and grueling weeks of being deemed the Amazon Woman, I basically got to the point where I didn't care how bad it was going to hurt, just take it off! Take it all off, damnit!

Sydney, the sweet and wonderful esthetician I was assigned to, took me upstairs to "THE ROOM."

She handed over a can of numbing spray and told me to go wild.

So wild I went.

Then, I hopped on the table and laid there butterfly legged and very exposed. Perhaps it was the pain killer, but laying there half naked in front of a complete stranger didn't seem to phase me one bit.

She then slathered on the warm hard wax, told me to help pull and stretch my skin with my hands, and then Rip-a-doodle-doo, she yanked the wax off, then quickly placed her hand on the spot and applied pressure, which helped immensely.

Someone last week said to expect excruciating pain and then when the real thing happens, it won't be so bad. And guess what? It really wasn't that bad! The first two spots were the most sensitive and hurt the worst. But like, 3 seconds of hurt and then it's done! She was quick and before I knew it, it was over with! It was definitely nothing like the experience I remember from 9 years ago, thank zeus.

The whole thing took about 20 minutes from start to finish, but like I said, it was really only those first two spots that hurt the worst.

I'd definitely like to go back in 4-6 weeks and compare how it feels to today's experience. She said it won't ever hurt worse than it did today and that yes, over time, the hair will be thinner and it will be less painful, and eventually grow less and less.

Soooooo whoo hoo! I survived! And it was not nearly as horrible as I was imagining it to be.

I think the key to a successful Brazilian is to:

A) Do your research (thank you, Yelp) and find a person that is experienced and knows what she's doing.
B) Take a painkiller about an hour beforehand.
C) Spray a shit ton of numbing spray on your hoo-ha
D) Expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised afterwards (I use the word 'pleasantly' loosely).

Ooohh the things we women do to our bodies... We're so cray.

And now you know what my vagina looks like.
You're welcome and have a great weekend.


xoxo