Things I Took for Granted Before My Little Monsters Were Born…

Being able to remember when bills are due.

I used to have a running calendar in my head that detailed when all my bills were due, and like a responsible member of society, I would make sure they were paid on time or make arrangements to pay them eventually. Now I get “Hey lady, you’re delinquent, we’re gonna cut off your water” notices before I remember to put that check in the mail.

Only having to cook one meal at dinnertime.

My oldest daughter is downright picky. She won’t eat casseroles, hamburger meat, grilled chicken, unseasoned vegetables, tacos, grilled cheese…. and the list goes on and on. For the sake of having a kid who does not resemble an emaciated fashion model, I sometimes give in and just bake some chicken nuggets, make a quesadilla, or throw some Easy Mac in the microwave. I definitely should have appreciated the ease of only being responsible for feeding myself.

My boobs.

I’m convinced they are pointing more south than they ever did pre-childbirth.

Being able to watch Criminal Minds without worrying whether or not violent TV will influence my child to become a serial killer.

I feel guilty if I watch crime tv shows, my guilty pleasure, with my kids in the room. So I either send them out for screen time of their own (more guilt), or I miss out on my favorites. Wah.

Being able to have sexy time with my husband whenever I feel like it.

When you’re pregnant, everyone tells you to get your sleep now because you’ll forever be deprived. We expect this. But no one tells you to get cozy with your man because in 40 weeks your schedule will be made by a 7lb 8oz dictator that sucks time, energy, and your boobs. Maybe men say this to each other, but women don’t. Not once did any of my female friends tell me to get laid now because later I’ll have to make a covert operation out of it.

Not having to share my chocolate.

Like her mother, my oldest daughter’s favorite dessert is chocolate. When I go out to eat with her daddy and get dessert, it’s like she can smell it on my breath when I get home. “You had chocolate without me!” and she’ll stamp off to her room and slam the door. So I share. Because if I don’t, my daughter is Voldemort. Eating chocolate is really a matter of keeping my kids happy. And in order for my kids to be happy, I have to be fat. #flawedlogic #butitworksforme

Pic via: BuyAndSellHair