What does the porn you watch say about you
Make no mistake, we are in the salad days of porn. This current era of the internet is like the Wild West, lawless and like nothing that has come before. I am literally two clicks away from seeing a video called 'Thanksgiving Lay pt4'. I haven't seen the previous instalments of the Thanksgiving Lay saga, so I can't give you a review of the content, whether the story arc is linear, whether the acting is any good or the characters are worth investing in.
For me personally you'll never beat Planes, Trains and Automobiles for the perfect Thanks Giving movie so why even try? The thumbnail for the video suggests it's shot on location and the cast is huge. Personally, I like my porn to be a little more conservative, with actual people involved rather than manga cartoons or avatars.
'That's just me. But what does that say about me?'
In fact, I had a girlfriend once trough through my web history and she informed me that I have the blandest taste in porn. I found really hurtful, but what can you come back with when you've just been rumbled for watching it in the first place?
I'm of the generation that had to seek out porn. We had to work for it rather than simply clicking the mouse twice and locking your bedroom door. Luckily my old man used to bring home the Daily Sport every day from work and I would surreptitiously sneak the paper into the bathroom with me when I needed a shower. My mother was quite perplexed that I needed to shower 5 times a day, she thought it was an early onset of OCD.
Of course there was always Basic Instinct. But the only video player was in the lounge, so every now and then I'd force out a danger rub knowing my parents could come in at any moment. Then I'd have to rewind the video or forward it to another scene to hide my heinous crimes.
Nowadays it’s so easy and readily available that teenagers no longer have to compile ambitious yet highly creative porn scrapbooks, with excerpts taken from the Daily Sport or the lingerie section in the Next catalogue. But what does that all mean for the teenager of today?
My three years living in Liverpool studying Art and smoking weed in my dungeon cesspit/bedsit meant I had countless hours on my hand. When I wasn't composing god awful hippy music and sketching out ideas for animated films that would never get off the ground, I was throwing myself around the room at least two or three times a day.
Those college days were pre-internet for me. The internet was around but the only technology I had in my tiny cave was a small 15 inch tube tele and a VHS recorder. I had a video player in my room for the first time and I made sure that Sharon Stone made the trip to Liverpool with me. I remember getting a call from my Brother asking if I had seen the Basic Instinct tape anywhere. He had actually called me as I was “watching” the film and I denied all knowledge of its whereabouts.
Looking back, I never actually had any proper porn. I never needed visual stimulation, (apart from Basic Instinct) as I had such a wild imagination. I could never imagine up a decent song or film idea, no matter how stoned I got, but I could conjure a scenario in my head which resulted in me being the unwitting superstar in my own filthy porn flick.
Needless to say I was, and remained a virgin throughout my three year tenure at college. I had a few close calls, a few dry-leg humps and a couple of brewers droop situations, but ultimately I had no self-esteem. I had no game.
I was now 21 and I had finished college. My Dad picked me up, threw all my worldly goods into the van (my keyboard, tele, video player, my rabbit Rambo, my parakeet Jack, and of course my trusty Basic Instinct) and with my virginity intact, I left Liverpool empty handed.
