state of my mental health
the biggest reason that i have not been blogging is that i have fallen into the same hole i always fall into. i am depressed. no matter how much i try to combat it with “i love my life!” “my family is wonderful!” etc etc, it always comes back and bites me hard. for the last few months i’ve been battling it and losing, and i’ve finally just thrown in the towel. a couple of weeks ago i visited the local mental health facility and had an assessment. i was officially diagnosed with high anxiety and severe depression. the doctor looked at me after saying that and said ‘but its ok, we can fix it” and i almost cried right there. i want to get better, i really do, but i have this horrible thing where i try to pretend i am stronger than i am, and admitting that my battle to contain my issues on my own has failed bothers me a bit. regardless, my treatment begins soon. monday i have another meeting with a case worker who is supposed to see what other services they can provide me with, like for my binge eating issues, and perhaps even some family counseling so ben can also learn how to deal with me at my worst (because to be honest, he isn’t dealing with me very well…)
mental illness has such a terrible stigma attached to it. when someone comes out and says they have a mental illness, a lot of people will initially assume this person is going to hurt themselves or someone else. their mind wanders to criminals who are mentally ill, or they just think this is someone i don’t need to be around. this stigma is what kept my mother from going to a doctor when she really should have, which has lead to a lot of the issues that i suffer from. mom could not admit that she couldn’t keep it together on her own, i don’t want to be the same.
these two are keeping me going.
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Post tags: anxiety, depression, life, love, mental illness
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