Flirting 101

“Beeennnd… & snap!”

“Bat your eyelashes.”

“Touch him. A lot.”

“Talk sports.”

“Ask him about himself.”

These are just some of the pieces of advice I’ve received about flirting. But I’m not very good about putting them into practice. Why? Well, online I might come across as a typical teenage girl. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth in more ways than one, because you should know I’m awkward and weird. I like to think that I’m awkward and weird in the most adork-able way possible — Zooey Deschanel style. With my adork-able personality comes the complete inability to flirt with guys. I’m 110% incapable and it would probably make you uncomfortable to watch me try. It even makes me uncomfortable to try.

So anyways, earlier this week I walked over to a nearby coffee shop to buy my mom and I some coffees. I frequent this coffee shop pretty often because it’s so close to my house, but I rarely go alone. I managed to buy our coffees without any problems, so props to me and pats on the back.

As I was waiting for my coffee I looked up and saw a super cute guy looking at me from across the coffee shop. He looked two or three years older and I felt like he was kind of staring at me in a “do I know her, wait I think I know her, no, I don’t think I know her” kind of way. When I noticed he was looking at me though, I glanced down (because maintaining eye contact with super cute guys is impossible for me.) I thought “whatever” and brushed it off. I figured he was probably staring at the artwork behind me or another girl beside me.

But as I was walking out of the coffee shop he appeared beside me and said, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

I mumbled, “I don’t think so…” and then I giggled (yes, giggled) because he was talking to me. I probably turned bright red too, because that’s the adorkable thing I do when cute boys talk to me.

Then he asked, “Didn’t you go to The Temple?”

Instead of just answering, all I could do was think, “wow, this super cute guy knows me, is talking to me, and is actually really handsome. How have I never noticed him at Temple before?”

So what do I do? I not so smoothly said, “Oh, yeah. Well it was good to see you!” And then I promptly left the coffee shop. Because I’m a flirting prodigy, and clearly know my way around talking to boys. I cringed the whole way home and now have a coffee shop to avoid.

Entering the house, I told my mom what happened hoping for some sympathy. She laughed. She knows how bad I am at talking to boys and she even said I should bring my laptop back to the coffee shop and try to actually flirt with him. (Which led a mini-course in Flirting 101 – can this day get any more awkward?!!) But I’m too much of a wimp to do that so I’m typing this in my room by myself… because I’m cool like that.

So yeah, I’m 18 and am getting flirting tips from movies, friends and family. I like to think it’s because boys are intimidated by how similar I look to Heidi Klum, but I have a feeling that’s not the case.

If you have awkward stories involving guys, dating, etc, please tell me in the comments so I can feel better about myself. Or hey, want to offer any flirting tips? I’m adding to the collection!

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