The Midnight Hunger Games Brigade

Not since Triumph the Insult Comic Dog’s Star Wars episode have I seen such a devout audience turn up to a film’s premiere. Super fans of the franchise were lined up — presumably starting the night prior — for Attack of the Clones. Yet even while Triumph openly mocked the countless Yodas, Princess Leias and Darth Vaders, a gaiety prevailed among the crowd.

Super fans were simply happy to be a part of the collective experience. Furthermore, they were surrounded by their people, and I’ll be damned if anyone tried to mess with them.

Unless you’ve been living under a (very ventilated) rock, you’re likely aware that The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 1, comes out at midnight. Scores of diehard fans have undoubtedly begun lining up for the best seat in the house which we all know, is the one that best highlights Peeta’s cheekbones.

Show up at 11:50 and you’ll be hopelessly scouring the house for a lone seat, because as midnight showings go, super fans travel in packs. Behold, the Midnight Hunger Games Brigade:

The Katniss Feminist

She comes in costume, and she means business. The Katniss Feminist wrote her dissertation on the eponymous heroine, and if anybody dares so much as to answer a text during the film, she will cut them down. Nay, she will crossbow them.

The Team Peeta Groupie

The Groupie maintains that Katniss does not deserve Peeta, who has been nothing but honorable throughout this trying time. The groupie shrieks every time Peeta’s mug graces the screen and is inclined to throw popcorn at his romantic rival, Gale.

The “Book Was So Much Better” Champion

We all know this person. He or she insists that the film just doesn’t “capture the story’s essence” and “no, that’s not what Suzanne Collins meant!”

To the Champion I say, “Why are you here?”

The Task Rabbit Place Holder

This person drew the shortest stick of the lot. That is all.

The Frazzled Mom

The frazzled mom can usually be found squeezing through the rows with bags of popcorn, Raisinets and Coke wedged into every nook of her tired arms. She will mutter the words, “Never again,” countless times throughout the remainder of the film.

The All-Night Stoner

This dude thought he was watching a dystopian remake of The Breakfast Club the entire time.

If you’re going, good luck. May the odds be ever in your favor.

(Sorry.)