on being in the spotlight + diminishing yourself

True And Strange Confession Time: i don't like the spotlight.
that is to say, i like the spotlight, i actively seek out and enjoy the spotlight, i mean seriously, I'M AN ACTRESS, i LOVE the spotlight... but i don't like the spotlight. it's definitely an I Love You So I Don't Have To Like You relationship. i've always been at odds with it, mainly because i never want anyone to feel as though their spotlight is diminished by my spotlight. and vice versa! growing up female does that to you, doesn't it? (the world cup announcers have influenced me, i have taken a fancy to the british way of asking someone if they share your opinion by tacking a leading question onto the end. it's a wonderfully polite way of saying I AM RIGHT AGREE WITH ME, isn't it?)
ahem. diminished spotlight. growing up female does that to you, doesn't it? we are taught that if someone else is beautiful, smart, or talented, we are therefore not as beautiful, smart, or talented. because there is a finite amount of those qualities to go around. although i cry major bullshit on that, i apparently also believe it wholeheartedly, as the prompt for this post was my personal cringefest over an absolutely lovely and extremely flattering oonapalooza question and answer from gillian to ginger. no seriously, just now, i had to pull away from the computer and rub my ear in a nervous fury before i typed that sentence. as bratty as i am, i should have been primping and preening with my tiara (i do have several) whilst reciting the sunshower of praise out loud to the cat. but no! i felt awkward reading it! i felt nervous! indeed, i felt like a Supreme Brat! (that brat part goes both ways.) because if i'm called great... maybe others feel there's less great to go around.
i'd like to once and for all stuff that wretched feeling into a bag marked INSANITY and incinerate it. am i diminished by your greatness? NO. am i inspired out the wazoo by your greatness? YES! i revel in each beautiful new creation and each beautiful new lady (or gentleman!) i "meet" in this community, and i sincerely mean every compliment i type out on the web, or holler out in person. and i know you mean it, too. so why the fear? why shouldn't we have oonapalooza and sew dolly clackett and pattern testing and blog tours and liebster awards and me made months? why shouldn't we embrace our wonderful aspects in every aspect of life? why should i feel like i need to diminish myself because some really awesome people have decided to put me in a spotlight?
maybe we are all in the same awkward boat on the receiving end, but sailing a great big giant cruise ship of love on the giving end.
so i'm going to do what ruggy has forever admonished me to do when receiving a compliment after a performance (i'm really super crazy cringe-y bad at that): i'm going to say thank you. and mean it from the bottom of my technicolored heart, without any caveats or quantification. all of you wonderful people participating in oonapalooza are blowing my mind, and i've created a pinterest board of the amazing looks i've found so far (please holler at me if i've missed you, and i know there are many WIPs & eyepoppers on instagram waiting to be blogged, holy cow wait till you see --ETA and see the first roundup also here on the sewcialists blog).

and what's marvelous is: none of these creations are carbon copies, or sewists creating garments they would not actually wear-- no, each and every one is individually stamped, but inspired by a kalkatroonaan love for color, or print, or stepping out of the comfort zone, or, as stitches and ditches put it, use of Extreme Determination. i inspire you, and you inspire me. (that sounds big headed, like godzilla sized big headed, but i'm going to exercise Extreme Determination and leave that bit in. surprise of all surprises, this oona-inspired challenge is bringing me out of my comfort zone.)
thank you. i love seeing what you create. you are beautiful, and smart, and talented, and isn't it wonderful: there are infinite quantities to go around.