The Current State of the Job Market

Exercising patience.

I’ve been looking for a job. I do that once in a while, when I have to. I had a very nice holiday season with the Etsy shop, but after January things kind of slow down a bit, until spring.

The natural thing for me to do in this situation is to pick up some more freelance work. So I looked, and almost right away, I got a 30 hour a week work-from-home job! I couldn’t believe my incredible luck. I AM A POWERFUL CREATOOOOR!

I was immediately inundated with emails from this client, and I felt certain that any financial woes were no more. In the first 3 days, I had produced a new finished logo, and four 25′ signs for the sides of the building. At the end of day 3, I was threatened to be fired if I didn’t speed things up. I was surprised! Then when I submitted my first invoice, I was asked to cut my price down by 50%, or be fired. After some negotiating I managed to get paid a little. Since then, it’s been two weeks, and the owner has promised me 5 times, with heavy apologies, that “tonight!” he will send me more work. He has not delivered. Uh oh.

I’ve returned to Craigslist, and continue to apply for other design jobs, but there’s only been about 1 or 2 posted, so it’s not looking all that promising.

So I decided to also check out some of the other parts of Craigslist. I am amazed to see that there aren’t a lot of traditional jobs available in my area, however there are a LOT of opportunities for MILFs and models, and MILFs who want to model. Sounds fun! I don’t want to pose nude (go figure), so I found one that sounded harmless and applied. The ad said I would be a leg model. I have skinny legs! Upon applying, I was immediately turned down. I was told that despite having nice legs, I didn’t seem passionate enough about leg modeling. Bummer!

The search went on. There was a position open for 15 production assistants for a TV show that was being filmed nearby. This was per-diem work, but it appeared to pay well. I applied, and very quickly received this reply:

“do (sic) to the overwhelming response we regret to say we have filled the position of Production Assistant. We are impressed how ever (sic) with your qualification and qualities over all. So will make you aware (sic) that we do have another position open for a Promotional Representative.
You would be responsible for helping with autographs sound check helping to regulate who does and does not get into afterpartys etc. This is a full time job with a base pay of 45k annually all travel expenses and hotel will be paid to get you to any event/concert. (sic)

1. Send us a contact number and the best time for you to be reached
2. Send us a pic (as you will be in the company of celebrities you need to be some kind of attractive)

OOOH! Celebrities!

I was contacted by Dan. He told me that his agency finds attractive, responsible people. When a celebrity visits a random city like mine, they want to appear to have an entourage with them. However, it doesn’t make financial sense for them to fly all their actual friends and staff members out to these cities, so they hire a group of locals to act like total party animals and support their cause.

My first CELEBRITY assignment would be the man who wrote the popular songs “Who Let The Dogs Out”, “Tootsee Roll”, and “Move Bitch, Get Out the Way”. I would receive an itinerary, go to the airport, meet the celebrity at baggage claim (alone), get into a car, and be taken to a hotel. For the next two nights I’d accompany the group to parties, clubs, events, whatever.

This is when Dan told me “you don’t have to be the girl flashing her tits in the limo, but you do have to be the girl encouraging the other girls to flash their tits”.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

This is where the job market is right now. I am a 34 year old privileged white women with 2 kids from a farm town, I have 12 years of professional experience and a bachelor’s degree under my belt. I am currently filing for food stamps, while pondering whether or not I want to be encouraging women to flash their tits in limos.

Perhaps a move to another city is in order. In the meantime, this is a good time to write, work, work, work on preparing for the next busy season. And sleep. And eat apple cider donuts.

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