Tooth Fairy Chronicles

My daughter lost her first tooth the other day. It was a really momentous occasion, because you only lose your first tooth once and you’ll always remember the day you got your first memento from the Tooth Fairy.

Seeing her lose her tooth made me nostalgic for my own first lost tooth. I remember that the Tooth Fairy gave me four dollars. That was a lot of freaking money for a tooth when I was 7 years old. But then after that, she really didn’t deliver, often forgetting my next few lost teeth or sometimes downgrading me to a quarter or two.

Bitch set me up for disappointment.

John wasn’t home yesterday to see Shaila’s excitement over losing her teeth and I felt sad for him because if you don’t know already, John loves teeth. His own glimmery, pearly white teeth always stand out in his smiles. He smiles all the freaking time, which I think is directly related to the fact that he is a show off and he wants people to see his teeth.

It is no coincidence that John is a model for our Dentist’s office. His face lines the walls of the office, the brochures and even the website. I guess my teeth didn’t make the grade, because I don’t remember them asking me to join John on this modeling venture.

That’s ok, when I go to the Dentist’s office, I try to do inappropriate things in front of or to his picture. In the picture below, I appear to be mounting the shot of him in the reception hall. The Doctor’s staff understands because they know he travels a lot.

My kids are neither as enthralled by their father’s teeth or about his appearance in our dentist office. Ok, maybe Shaila is a little excited. I think Nico could give a rat’s ass.

So, yeah. We’re a teeth family. I would dare to say that everybody has much better dental hygiene habits than me because John is just so darn particular about the whole twice a day thing and forces all of us to do it, while I take whatever shortcuts I can.

In fact, the kids went to bed tonight without brushing their teeth. I went in to check and they are still very much alive, in spite of my utter negligence. Regardless, I know this will throw John into a panic if he reads it.

While Shaila was living out the excitement of losing her tooth last night, I couldn’t help but remember another story about a lost tooth from none other than the man I love.

You see, when John was younger, he and his brother, Anthony, shared a room. John was a year older than Anthony and perhaps the best way to describe John in comparison to Anthony was that John was a greedy little Alex P. Keaton type character, always out to make a buck and Anthony was more of the sharing kind, always willing to share his buck. In the end, John always ended up with more of Anthony’s money than poor Anthony.

It was a matter of survival of the greediest.

One time, John lost his tooth and wanted to make sure that the Tooth Fairy didn’t accidentally give his hard earned money to Anthony, who we would probably just have to steal it from anyway. So he wrote her a note. I don’t remember all the words, but it went something like this:

“Dear Mrs. Tooth Fairy,

I have lost my tooth. I have left it under my pillow and I look forward to receiving my prize. I would appreciate if you would leave my prize under my pillow so I can find it in the morning. Thank you.

Sincerely,

John Philip Ferrandino

P.S. I am the dark one”

My husband was so paranoid that she would give the money to the wrong brother that he had to point out that he was “the dark one.”

Perfect.

We have many more teeth to lose in this house and a lot more memories to make. We also have a lot of our own childhood stories to revisit like how my parents used to make me attach a string to my loose tooth and continually yank at it until it came out, all bloody and gross.

Good times.

If you happen to go to Broadlands Dentistry in Ashburn, VA, look for my husband on the walls.

He will be easy to find. He is the dark one.

XO,

Kiran

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