Breaking Down Family Barriers
How close are you and your family members?
I recently shared this on Twitter: "I pray I never become that in-law-parent-family member that only knows how to talk about the weather and football. Break down the barriers!"
After much thought and debate from that particular tweet, this topic has been circling in my head. I thought I would give my thoughts a go and share them with you all today. I am sure many of you love my long winded posts, but typically they are the biggest of life's lessons. :)
Of course, this is totally my opinion, but I feel as though there are three types of family members in this world.
Scenario #1: Do you have those family members that you see only around the big holidays? Maybe just Thanksgiving or Christmas? These are the ones who ask you the same questions each time they see you and more than likely, your answers are typically the same. Your conversation every.single.time.you.see.them probably goes a little something like this:
Scenario #2: Do you have those family members who you see occasionally or possibly quite frequently? However, these family members only seem to know how to talk with you about the weather, college football, or the local hometown gossip? These are the ones who make promises to visit you, see you next week, have dinner next month, or even call to "just say hello" even though you really won't hear from them again until your next occasional run in.
Scenario #3: Do you have those family members that, despite how often you see them, are willing to cut to the deep parts of life, weed out the surface level questions, and truly develop communication with you about the real things in life? They encourage you. Listen to you. Pray with you. Cry with you. They TALK to you. And, I mean- they really really talk to you.
I recently shared this on Twitter: "I pray I never become that in-law-parent-family member that only knows how to talk about the weather and football. Break down the barriers!"
After much thought and debate from that particular tweet, this topic has been circling in my head. I thought I would give my thoughts a go and share them with you all today. I am sure many of you love my long winded posts, but typically they are the biggest of life's lessons. :)
Of course, this is totally my opinion, but I feel as though there are three types of family members in this world.
Scenario #1: Do you have those family members that you see only around the big holidays? Maybe just Thanksgiving or Christmas? These are the ones who ask you the same questions each time they see you and more than likely, your answers are typically the same. Your conversation every.single.time.you.see.them probably goes a little something like this:
- Said Family Member: How is school?
- Me: Good.
- Said Family Member: When do you graduate?
- Me: December 2015, but you should know that because I told you the exact same thing this time last year.
- Said Family Member: Well, that's great. Tell Tony I said "Hello!" I am off to see when dinner will be ready.
- Me: (Thinks) And, that's a wrap! Communication failure.
Scenario #2: Do you have those family members who you see occasionally or possibly quite frequently? However, these family members only seem to know how to talk with you about the weather, college football, or the local hometown gossip? These are the ones who make promises to visit you, see you next week, have dinner next month, or even call to "just say hello" even though you really won't hear from them again until your next occasional run in.
Scenario #3: Do you have those family members that, despite how often you see them, are willing to cut to the deep parts of life, weed out the surface level questions, and truly develop communication with you about the real things in life? They encourage you. Listen to you. Pray with you. Cry with you. They TALK to you. And, I mean- they really really talk to you.
Avoid irrelevant babble, for it will lead people into more ungodliness. 2 Timothy 2:16
I understand that we all have our differences, schedules, and odd ball out family members in this life. I understand that we all have opinions, agreements, and disagreements also. But, more than ever I have noticed lately that families do not know how to communicate about the real, raw things in life. I have seen this within my immediate family, extended family, friend's family's, families eating dinner at Kobe, families sitting together at the ball parks, and the list could go one. Yes, I am very observant of my surroundings, but I think this observation I have noticed lately is teaching me a great lesson early in life.
I pray every day that I never become that Christian, wife, daughter, sister, mother, mother-in-law, aunt, or friend who only talks about something that can be answered via an app or google search. I pray I seek to know the heart of my family members, to reach deep within their soul and to speak words of wisdom and affirmation. I pray I will know when to talk about the weather and when to talk about the real things in life in order to be of light to that family member at that time. I pray to always have the interest needed for family members and to show them that I truly am interested in what they have to say. Not only to listen or respond, but to also act with big impressions for the one good cause.
These are the BIG things in families that make BIG impacts. Unfortunately, things BIG things are being left out of family conversation in homes today. It just breaks my heart. Too many people are not interested in communication anymore.
Too many people are interested in texting instead of calling, checking emails on an iPhone after each buzz, updating Facebook every hour, reading a book from a Kindle, or running to Target just to get away from the kids for an hour. While all of these actions have a place and time, typically face to face, mouth to ear communication is more important than any of the above. The examples above of poor 2013 communication are all personal wants. Wants that leave you the option to multitask. Wants that allow you to excuse yourself from communication all together should you choose. In fact, the majority of us are guilt (I am!) AND we even know that our wants should not come before another's, yet our pattern of action stays the same time and time again.
I think this type of BIG communication starts personally. Knowing yourself and where you stand morally, opening your heart to controversy, and being willing to communication outside of your comfort zone are all initiating factors. Being selfless, honest with others, and open to constructive critical However, I also believe this communication is a foundation that is built upon even more so once you enter into a committed relationship with someone. Being able to openly discuss important matters, deeper matters than surface level questions build the trust, honor, respect, and honesty that a home represents and more importantly, needs facilitated day in and out. Once children are brought into the picture, this foundation has to be solid. Children need to see and hear communication. They need to seek and engage in big communication with family members. If not, how can we expect our future generations to communicate effectively?
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourself. Philippians 2:3
Just thinking about it now, there are so many people I pass on a daily basis who stare at the ground and I share smiles with the air. There are people I pass with ear buds in who trap out the noise of the world instead of listening to the rain or the birds. I am sure you have experienced many of these same things in your daily life also. This is not the type of communication that I want my future children to know. I want to be that person who is willing to break down the barriers of surface level communication in order to build REAL relationships with those who we are supposed to be closest to in our families.
It is so refreshing to me to see older individuals when I am out and about because they always speak even if I am not paying attention (or am in my own little world unfortunately). That generation communicated. Think about it for a minute. If all families were to act in this way, there would be an automatic extension of communication in our classrooms, grocery stores, malls, and restaurants. Children would not stay in their bedrooms watching TV while Mom and Dad watch "their" shows. Husbands and Wives would not be lost drowning in a sea of communication once their nest is empty. Friends would not seek the party bar scene, but instead opt for dinner and popcorn at home. HIS story would be a possible story heard from many lips through those who seek to encourage, love, and advise those who have gone before them and those who will come after. Are you hearing the message? All of these thoughts are of relationships that could thrive more than even when given the chance to really talk it (but you also have to be willing to listen).
We may not always understand the journey of another since no one walks the same path. We may not always hear everything that is being said because most times the crucial points of hurt are concealed in hovering words when communicated. Communication is a skill. It should be in the personal tool set we all consume individually and used to the best of our ability every day. As George Bernard Shaw once said, "The problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished." Communication is vital. It is extremely evident in our world today that it has not been accomplished.
Will you join me to begin to break down the barriers and just communicate?
It is so refreshing to me to see older individuals when I am out and about because they always speak even if I am not paying attention (or am in my own little world unfortunately). That generation communicated. Think about it for a minute. If all families were to act in this way, there would be an automatic extension of communication in our classrooms, grocery stores, malls, and restaurants. Children would not stay in their bedrooms watching TV while Mom and Dad watch "their" shows. Husbands and Wives would not be lost drowning in a sea of communication once their nest is empty. Friends would not seek the party bar scene, but instead opt for dinner and popcorn at home. HIS story would be a possible story heard from many lips through those who seek to encourage, love, and advise those who have gone before them and those who will come after. Are you hearing the message? All of these thoughts are of relationships that could thrive more than even when given the chance to really talk it (but you also have to be willing to listen).
We may not always understand the journey of another since no one walks the same path. We may not always hear everything that is being said because most times the crucial points of hurt are concealed in hovering words when communicated. Communication is a skill. It should be in the personal tool set we all consume individually and used to the best of our ability every day. As George Bernard Shaw once said, "The problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished." Communication is vital. It is extremely evident in our world today that it has not been accomplished.
Will you join me to begin to break down the barriers and just communicate?
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