Not Ready For This

Since giving birth to Annabelle, I’ve always welcomed change with open arms. I saw each time that she turned a week/month older, and reached a developmental milestone, as something to celebrate. If you follow me on Instagram, you should know by now that I literally celebrated every week that Annabelle got older. But now that she is approaching the one year mark, I don’t feel the same way. I feel like my baby is suddenly growing up too fast and I just want time to slooooooooow down.

Last week I received a letter from Annabelle’s baby school that says she will be transitioned into the first steps room before her first birthday. My first thought, “Well this is going to be cool! She is becoming a big girl!” But then as I started to read the letter describing the changes that will occur with her transition, I felt my throat closing with anxiety. She can’t have a bottle anymore? She HAS to wear closed toe shoes? She is on a strict schedule? She only takes one nap? She cannot be spoon fed? She can only have finger foods?

I feel so silly obsessing over this but, I’m suddenly not ready for her get any older. Am I alone feeling like this? Is this normal?

Those things, those are all things that toddlers do. Not my baby. My baby likes her bottle of breast milk. She hates wearing shoes. She takes two-three naps a day and likes when you feed her applesauce with a spoon. She is a baby and likes to do baby things. I have never felt such a strong urge to put her in the Moby Wrap and wear her around everywhere until she tells me to put her down. I wanna hold her close, sprinkle some Peter Pan fairy dust on her, and not let her get grow up.

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