Someone to talk to

I think one of the worst things about being a widow is that you have no one to talk to. I don't mean chit chat, gossip or discuss the weather. I mean confide in. Reveal yourself to. Talk about your hopes and fears.

It's been a year since I had some pretty serious medical issues. In the past week I have felt a little off. Like maybe a few symptoms that developed last year are returning. I've already made an appointment with my doctor so I will take care of anything I have to. But once again it reinforced the fact that my husband isn't here to talk to.

If Lane were here I would have someone to share my anxiety with. Someone to complain to. Someone to pick me up when I feel down.

The same goes for good news. Who else is really interested in hearing about your successes at work or how smart the grandchildren are? This is not to say that friends and family don't want you to share your feelings. Some do, some don't. Most want you to be happy so they are much more responsive to good news than to bad.

Did Lane hang on my every word? No way. But he could take one look at me and knew instantly if I was happy, sad or worried. He would ask me "What's the matter?" before I could spit out the words. I loved that part of our relationship.

I often say that no matter what Lane had my back. I miss that feeling of security for sure. I also miss someone to talk to you. No matter what. No eggshells. No pretending I am fine when I'm not. No putting a spin on my emotions.

This is one part of being a widow I will never adjust to.

How about you? Do you have anyone to really talk to?

Sue