Widows talking

When I first got the idea to write this blog I thought the name should be Widows Talking. My purpose was to have someplace for widows to express their feelings, concerns, accomplishments, etc. to others widows. But when I looked at the name in terms of the Internet it read: widowsstalking. Obviously I didn't want the blog to about stalking. I wanted it to be about talking. Widows Speak Up was born.

Anyway, after becoming a widow I quickly realized that the one person who I could talk to about everything was no longer here to listen. This change of events, however, did not stop me from talking to Lane. Right after he died I went on and on telling him about my feelings of sadness and rage. On a daily basis, I would shout at him, whisper to him and cry to him. I was loud and upset most of the time.

After awhile I usually talked to Lane whenever I felt I needed to think things through. If I had a decision to make or was facing some kind of crossroad I spoke to him out loud. Oftentimes in the car or in the office where I keep his ashes. This "conversation" helped me sort out whatever was on my mind. I guess it was a form of therapy without the therapist. Anyway, "talking" to Lane really helped build my confidence so that doing whatever I think is best has became a lot easier.

After 8 years I am still talking to Lane. Now my conversation is pretty much focused on everyday issues. I blurt out stuff like "I'm tired today." "Help me figure out how to do this." "The kids are driving me crazy." Sometimes I ask myself if Lane were here would I actually be telling him this stuff. Honestly, I'm not sure. If I did he would probably just shake his head and say something like "Really?" or "That's nice. What do you want me to do about it?"

So even after writing this blog for 5 years I like the idea of widows talking. In my case, sometimes it is talking to my husband. Or to a friend who gets it. Very importantly to me, it is talking to the widows who join me on this blog.

I need to find out, do you talk to your husband?

Sue