Hasidic Marital Customs

I saw this video on You Tube, and became fascinated with this family. I lived in Brooklyn, New York for many years. I grew up there, so I have always been aware that Brooklyn has a large community of Hasidic Jews.

This interview was, of course, done by Oprah Winfrey, but I never saw it because I don’t watch television. I do have cable, but the package that I have does not include the Oprah channel. I was delighted to, at least, be able to watch this small clip of this show. I would love to see it in its entirety, but I could not find it anywhere online.

I am really intrigued by this couple, and how people get married in the Hasidic Jewish tradition. There is matchmaking that takes place once a young Jewish man and Jewish woman reaches a certain age. They come together to see if they are compatible, and if so, the marriage ceremony takes place within weeks or just days after the couple meet for the first time. They date only for the purpose of getting married, and marriage is based on shared values.

The couple featured in this video seem to love and care for one another. I wonder if there is something to be said about how Hasidic Jews view dating and marriage. When I was a teenager and in my twenties, I certainly would have appreciated not having to deal with pressures to have sex. Quite frankly I would appreciate that today as well.

Another thing that I wonder about is how happy are these marriages throughout the Hasidic Jewish community. They are all arranged and literally within a very short time the couple are married. They don’t even touch one another until their wedding day. There is no kissing or anything like that; not even hand holding. This, I am sure, will seem totally ridiculous to many people outside of the Hasidic community. To be quite honest, I have never been impressed with the greater society’s idea of dating. As a matter of fact it always seemed the pits to me, and it certainly is not the answer to anything. The divorce rate has been high for decades. Many couples get married because the sex is great. From my observations, I would even say that when a man proposes he is choosing the woman who screws him in bed the best. That is who basically becomes his wife. The one that shows him the best time in bed, and that to him is love. They may not have anything else in common, but if she gives him the biggest hard on and greatest orgasms, she gets the ring. I have actually said this to several men and every one of them confirmed what I said. Well, it isn’t as if I talked about this to a lot of men, but the few that I have made no attempt to dispute my personal observations. All of them said I was correct. What happened to real courting and getting to know one another on a more profound level. I love men who can carry on great conversation, and would love to spend time with me in a library or bookstore. Yeah, I hear your snickering at me.

The only thing that I did not care for as I watched this clip is that women are considered unclean when they are menstruating, and after the monthly flow, the wife has to take part in a ritual bath to render herself clean once more. I do recall reading about this in the Old Testament though, so I do respect the Hasidic Jewish community and their cultural norms. You don’t have to agree with something, but you can respect another person’s right to do so.

You can view my other post about the children of this Hasidic couple and how they are being raised. Click HERE to view. I really enjoyed their children.

So, what are your thoughts on arranged marriages? Does it seem too unromantic to you? Do you believe that a marriage based on shared values first and love later is better than how couples get together these days, which is more based on sexual attraction?

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