I Got 99 Problems But Perky Boobs Ain't One

Dad, stop reading here. For both of our dignities, please.

Also ex-boyfriends. I want to always be remembered as the one with the glorious rack who got away.

(The only thing that has gotten away is my rack, actually.) I read a post the other night by Kelsey about the disappearance of her boobs and it was so therapeutic just to read another mom going through the same thing as me.

The last 4 years have been a roller coaster for my body. After my first baby, my body bounced back in no time. Flat stomach, awesome boobs. Not so much after the second one. It took several more months for my stomach to go back to semi-normal and my boobs...they went on a little adventure of their own.

Right away with my second baby, I noticed that my boobs felt soft within the first month. No awesome milk boobs this time around. And as some of you know, I tandem nursed. The way it worked out for us was giving one side to my toddler and one side to the baby. (Not at the same time, I never nursed at the same time. I did once or twice in moments of desperation and it was just...no). Anyway, my left side began producing way more than my right side because that was my toddler's side. Nine months later, I weaned my toddler. Unfortunately for me, my boobs did not get the message.

So I started giving the left side to the baby all the time cause it was out of control crazy making milk. The right boob to the left boob was like "You got this? Aight, peace, I'm out" and pretty much died. It gave me a preview of what's in store for my other boob when it finally stops making milk.

I'm now left with one side bigger than the other, and my right side looking very...soft and sad. Like there's no OOMPH left. And my left one usually matches it by the end of the day, weary and depleted from Dacky's constant nursing (which is worse than a newborn right now, God help me)! It's so depressing because it feels like it happened so fast. And I'm only 30...is this normal? I can't go down like this at 30!?

But at least there's push up bras as Kelsey said, lights that turn off, and wine to help me forget my low boob-esteem. And thank God for clothes and that I'm usually in them! I should also realize that I need to love what I have now, cause it will surely look different by 40, and so on. I hated my awesome body when I was 20, and now I would gladly take it back.

I'm just going to start mentally comparing my boobs to what they'll likely look like when I'm 90, and then that'll make them look much more appealing! So the lesson here tonight: compare your body now to your future 90 year old self, not your 20 year old self. There now, don't you feel better?!