Memoirs – Chapter Fourteen

You have to appreciate the irony in what is a man. We are meant to love, protect and take care of our women without fault. Yes now there is this 50\50 business but as a man you should know that you contribute a 90 to that relationship always to make it work and keep her happy! Its more than a duty and obligation once your are married for you have to open your heart and want to do it always in spite of the temptation that throws yourself at your feet. In my marriage I have tried so hard to be that exemplary husband. In everything else I have succeeded but here is the twist, in spite of how many mountains I have moved to be with my wife and give her a palace and responsible husband, it is on this one thing I will always be judged on! When you cheat and even if you are forgiven for it, you will always be part of “all men cheat” category making you common and just like the rest of the trash out there!

I had to eat the food. Imagine I did not even trust my wife! That was the longest meal I ever ate. The guilt and the tenseness in me just made it worse. It is a wonder why men cheat in all honesty because usually your life itself is in your wives hands. She just sat there and stared at me. When I was done she took my plate and washed it. I said thank you for the food and she ignored me. She picked up the broken pieces of her phone and then walked upstairs without a word. You know when you have hurt someone you want to give them five minutes away from you so they can breathe. That was me. I waited five minutes and followed her up only to find my pyjamas had been folded nicely and placed outside the door. At least she did not throw them out. Marriage is not like dating. When you have a fight you don’t get to go home to your mother. At most if you are lucky me to have a sizable house you get kicked out into the spare bedroom. Now imagine what you would do if you were renting a one roomed house! I knocked and the door and begged her to let me in but she ignored me totally. It was a lost cause. I knew trying tomorrow was my best bet. I went downstairs to the guest bedroom that Khanyi had slept in. It was actually awkward now I admit! I didn’t sleep well at all. I was very disturbed by this turn of events. A lot of people believe that the greatest thing you have in marriage is time. You are married right so you sweep it under the table and discuss it another day. Women especially think that if a marriage is meant to be then it will be forgetting that the temptation is actually greater for a man once the boredom of marriage sets in! It is not like I was not trying to improve things, I was but look where it was getting me! Sleeping in the side room in my own house!

I am not sure if I dreamt at all that night but at some point I fell asleep. In the morning I felt someone behind me. It was my wife. She had followed me at some point, I don’t know when and slept with me. For better or worse right! I did not feel triumphant no, more like a loser. She did love me just that she did things differently. This does not mean that I had forgotten about our discussion last night. Things needed to change! I did not want to get old before my time and at this rate I was aging fast! In the morning I got ready for work. I am not a breakfast person and I know someone said it is the biggest meal of the day but for me well, its not! The weekend had been too hectic for me meaning that I had not gotten the usual rest I often do. This was going to be a long week.

My wife was cold to me for a day or two more but by Wednesday she was talking to me again. Things were already back to normal. It was as though we never had that conversation and that really made me mad. She told me that she had plans with the girls for the upcoming weekend. There was some woman conference which Khanyi had organized them tickets for. That was fine by me and it meant she was active. What was I going to do about Khanyi though? I honestly could not stop thinking amount her under that towel. I know in my mind I had I had done the right thing by walking away but my body wanted her badly. At times I found myself day dreaming about her and once or twice I felt like calling her! I was going to fight this craving I had for her. There is this massive appeal for having a side dish! I know women will never understand when I say this but a side dish really is a stress reliever. Its not a justification it just how I see things. If only men could keep their emotions in check I am certain marriage counsellors would by now be recommending getting one. Even the guys at work the ones who are cheating on their wives seem to be happier than us who stick to honesty, loyalty and our vows.

I was totally bored in this marriage! How do you tell your wife that? She was not to eager to do things and whilst I had so much love in my heart for her I was bored. Traditionally men are more active than women. We are busy beings and always have something up our sleeves be it good or bad. Now imagine having to take that extra abundant energy and doing nothing with it. We get restless. Every time my wife and I spoke I could feel myself want to snap. It is amazing how lack of sex can make us agitated as guys. Women often tell us that sex is not everything when they have never lived in a man’s body for one day. When you go to work you start fantasizing about people you don’t even consider potential partners. It is crazy. I try and be professional always but when you are married and something is not right in the sheets at home it will definitely show at work.

On Thursday evening when my wife was surfing the net I got an sms. It was from Khanyi. It read,

“I am by 7eleven on Main Road. Let’s meet there I have something I want to discuss with you!”

I did not even hesitate. I told my wife I had to go pick up something at the office I will be back shortly.

She just nodded her head and said ok.

Resistance had fallen!

****The End****

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

I must admit the things you talk about really happen in my relationship. I grew up conservatively and in the church. When I got married I found that there were a lot of things I could not do in the bedroom either because they were too kinky for me so they looked unholy or because I just felt they disrespected me as a woman. My husband would try almost every night to talk me into doing naughty things but I could not even stomach sex in the car so you can imagine. He was very miserable when it came to sex and our relationship suffered. I made an effort to try learn a few things from the internet and so on but already am 35 now so you can imagine the strain on my conscience. He is so unhappy and hardly initiates sex anymore. We are like a professional couple now. Conversation is about kids, work, gossip and not much else. I am certain we are on the verge of divorce and if he has not cheated already he is or will be soon. I have lost faith in the marriage yet I love him and I know he loves me. What do I do? Do I just become a pornstar overnight? We have two kids and we leave far from relatives so they can’t even go away for me to have privacy and try. I am really stuck here! Are there any women who have experienced this and how did you turn it around.

Thank You

Divorce