Confessons – Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Six

That’s the one thing that men will never ever get, they can tell all the lies they want in the marriage and so on but it is us women that tell the big lies. People often ask, who tells more lies men or women, the answer is men because they are full of shit and often trying to cover up their so called game! Men cheat and usually lie for absolutely no reason. That’s the reality of them. Women lie for a reason. It’s seldom that a woman would lie out of the blue. Men can lie to you just to spend time with their boys because they immediately assume you will have a problem with it as three months ago you once complained! Truth be told that’s kind of gay to me but don’t tell anyone I said that! This however was one of those light bulb moments were I had to think. To faint or not to faint that was the question! In my position what would you do? My life had literally changed in an instant and yes partially because I had gone to look for trouble myself. I kept on asking myself why I had even done that in the first place as now I was in tears.

My mother asked me if I was ok. I just looked at her, blind with tears now and asked her what about my brother. Was she not my father’s child too? She said I should not be stupid my brother was my father’s child and so was I! I asked how can she say he was my father after what she just said? Again she said that she had not said that he was not my father but at that time in her life she was sleeping with her sugardaddy and her on and off boyfriend who happened to be this man. It was just a possibility not a fact that he could be my father. I know it’s vein to say you are beautiful but when I say that Nozipho was beautiful I mean that whole heartedly. Our resemblance was remarkable but we also put it down to the fact that our mothers were family! It made so much sense. When we stood next to each other we were on that Minnie Dlamini and Boity tip! How come that never crossed my mind? All kids, we grow up being told that this man is your father and we believe our mothers because only she knows the truth. It’s easy to judge my mother right now, hell I was judging her too but to be fair I had seen how Nozipho grew up and ah, I am ok with my mothers lies! My mother told me that my father was my father because he was the man who raised me and put food on my table. He was the man who clothed me from birth, sat with me at the hospital when I was sick, rubbed calamine lotion on me when I had chicken pox because my mother had never caught it. He was the man who paid my fees from creche and when I graduated creche my mother always says, he had cried as though I had won the Nobel Peace Prize for creche. She was trying hard to make me not look at him any other way but regardless of what she said there was one glaring fact she was forgetting. He might have done all this for me out of love but had he known the truth would he still have done the same? Come on now! Yes he was super father but he had done all this on a lie! Nothing lasts forever if it’s built on a lie! The End! My father had been tricked and that’s that!

My mother then sat down and said to me,
“Nelisa one day you will run your own house. You will learn as a woman and especially as a mother that there is nothing you will not do to give you children the best you can in life. I am in no way saying that what I did was right because I know every day of my life that it was not but if you ask me if I will do it again then yes I will do it in a heartbeat. As my first born you have and will always be my priority and that one I will stand by till the day I die. I was a girl like you once, I had dreams and ambitions and yes I thought I was the most beautiful creature that God ever made! Guess what, life happened and reality set in. You do not eat beauty nor do you eat men’s promises. For girls that looked like me and indeed like you, men will promise you the moon even but they will never deliver. That much I can guarantee. Of all my friends only I got married and still am married! Am proud of it, damn straight I am even if I lied myself into a home!”

I am not sure if I was still listening because like I said my head was buzzing. Nozipho could be my sister? No! I needed to find out but the only person who could help me was Dumi. I don’t know how DNA works but everyone knows what it is yet not one person can tell you what it stands for! Must Google it in fact. Yes I had said I was not going to snoop but the curiosity, shock and the horror of this day had made me want to get answers. This was my matric year how on earth was I going to pass! At the beginning of the year I had said that I was a just above average student but lately even I felt I was slipping as opposed to improving! There was too much going on. I could not put this at the back of my head, I had to find out.

I stood up and walked out. My mother called me back but I was just in a daze. My feet were walking but my brain was not even paying attention. So much had been said this day that could change my life forever. How would I ever look at my father again? Should I tell him the truth. On the one hand if I did not I would be part of the vicious circle of lies but on the other hand if I did tell him, my mother and I could end up neighbours with Sibongile and her mother in the shacks.

No this was not right. My father had to know. Am not that evil or selfish. Speak of the devil, I could see our old car turn on to the road as I stood at the gate. I did not open it.

When he got to the gate he asked me why I was not opening because he wanted to go in.

I told him no, that I needed to talk to him privately as I entered the car.

He was very surprised! He then said,

“Oh no please don’t tell me you are pregnant!”

Typical man response!

“No, it’s worse than that”

I said calmly!

“Just drive please!”

I said!

****The End****

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Good Morning

Women’s Month is fast approaching. In August the blog would like to run testimonials of abuse and this includes physical, sexual and emotional. It does not matter whether you are male or female. Please share your stories. If you notice I have been trying to do a sexual abuse theme to create awareness. Every letter you post as your testimonial will be posted on the blog after every chapter like we do with our QnA. I believe that the more people become aware of the level of abuse people will stop pretending it’s not happening. You can keep your identities hidden. email to [email protected]

Be Blessed and Stay Strong

Mike Maphoto