Memoirs – Chapter Seventy

I was a bit confused. Just a few days ago she had told me that she thought Khanyi and I were sleeping together. She had also said that it was ok we were adults. Ok fine, look at me trying to justify myself to a teenager! I told her to stop meddling in grown ups business and for the record Khanyi and I were not sleeping together. She laughed and said that she was not stupid and besides, yesterday when I was gone, Khanyi fell asleep on the couch and was calling my name in her sleep! Say what? My name is not the easiest name to say alright and for someone to actually be able to say whilst in dreamland is an achievement! What else did she say? No, I did not want to know because if I asked her I would just be encouraging her further! Then it me, what if one day Khanyi would talk in her sleep in front of my wife? That would not go down so well but if all she said was my name it means that my wife might think Khanyi had a thing of me and get rid of me! She would never like it that much is true.

I had to make it to Asthandile though for the fight yesterday however there was an impediment. If she was redoing my study it means she intended to stay in Cape Town of which I had already said my heart was not willing to do so anymore. I was gatvol after the way we had been thrown out. I felt like I would always be embarrassed everytime I stepped into the office. Secondly I still had not told my wife that I had been suspended in the first place which is what brought the next impediment, she could not be using money the way she wanted and redoing the study was definitely an extra expense we could not carry right now. I decided to call her and tell her right there and then. I was delaying too much. Her phone was off so I left a voicemail in her phone. All I said was,
“Baby I need to talk to you. Something has happened at work which you must know ASAP. Get back to me!”
I hate talking to voicemail!

I did not have the energy for them today and I was sleepy because last night had hardly slept being Khanyi’s counsellor. I sat in the bedroom going through my notes. Just because I was suspended did not mean I should not remain vigilant. I started forwarding my CV to a few firms. I might as well start sourcing for a new job. An hour or two into doing this Lindiwe sent me a message saying she was in Jhb fixing ‘our’ problem! What was wrong with this woman! As a lawyer she should know better than go temper with the victims. I told her I was not part of this and she should stay away from them. The stresses in my life! I went and bought my wife flowers to appease my wife.

When I came back I sat in my room because I had a few thing to do in any case. Not working does not mean you should stop reading and studying. Its as simple as that. A few hours later I heard my wife pull up. She banged her car door and the house door when she entered. I was still in trouble I guess! Fuck! Flowers wont help me now!
“Why didn’t you tell me that you were fired Mxolisi?”
She screamed as soon as she walked into the bedroom!
“How am I supposed to trust you if you can’t even tell me such important things?”
She was so angry. She stood there glaring at me!
“I don’t need your flowers! Keep them! Imagine how embarrassed I was when I went to your office for you to sign some papers and they told me! Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was?”
She threw them at me and stomped out! I ran after her trying to explain that I had not been fired but she would not listen! She got into her car and drove out.

Khanyi and Zimasa just stared at me when I walked back into the house! They had heard everything. I decided the best thing to do was to lock myself in and wait for her. No matter how angry she was I was not taking the couch today. She can take it!

I waited for her to come back…and waited…and waited! At some point. I dosed off! When I woke up it was three am and I figured she had indeed slept on the couch. I went downstairs to check the couch, switched on the light but she was not there. Maybe she was sleeping with Khanyi so I went to knock on Khanyi’s room. Khanyi open. She said again she could not sleep because she was having nightmares. I asked her if my wife was with her and she said nope, she didn’t come to her room since she left. I ran back upstairs to Zimasa’s room and again I hit a dead end.

I took my phone and tried to call but her phone was off! I started to panic…

Where the hell was my wife?

I panicked. I asked Khanyi to call around and ask some of the people that she knew as to where Asthandile was. At first Khanyi refused but I begged her and told her that my wife could be. Khanyi asked me if I really wanted to know because all my investigations in the end would only hurt me. I had no idea what she meant. She said my wife and I needed to have a conversation a strong one because there was only one place my wife could be. So Khanyi knew were my wife was? She said she will not call many people and gave me the phone. She showed me a text message,

“I needed someone to talk who gets me so I have gone to have late coffee with Mcgyver!”

Who the hell was that now?

Khanyi hesitated to say but I went on my knees and begged her because the other choice would have been to strangle her.

“If I tell you please don’t tell her I told you because there is nothing going on between them”

So it was a guy?

“That is the nickname we call some guy at work and I promise you that is all I know! I don’t even have his number check my phone!”

I was not sure if she was lying but I got it now…

I lost my wife the day she got a job…

No, forget that, I lost my wife the day she made new friends and I allowed her to!

This woman does not get it! I pay all the bills in this house! Did she really think she could go sleep in another man’s house with me at home! I took twenty minutes to throw everything of hers outside! Kanyi and Zimasa begged me not to though but it was too late… where… another man’s house!

When she returns she must go back where she was!

I was not going to beat her

****The End****

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

Good morning Mike

Great Job on the blog, I never miss any of the posts you make, hence today I decided to come forward myself and not as a woman abused but as a woman affected. Sometimes abuse, rape and all these things done to women don’t leave scars on the victims but the people close to them as well. Im 23 years, the last born out of 4 kids, I have 2 sisters, one 18 years older than me and one 6 years older. We have always been a family of girls that kinda stayed indoors and we very much kept to ourselves. My oldest sister landed herself a boyfriend at some point in time, it was kind of a little weird considering we never knew much about the guy but what the hell she was happy, my sister found out from a couple of friends that the guy is HIV and the biggest mistake she made, was going to confront him at his place where he raped her while stating it was his intention in the first place, my sister never told anyone until after a few years, years went past she got sick she passed away, 10 years later my second sister fell inlove, moved in with the guy, few years down the line beatings came and she’d come home with bruises, blessed with skin that heals and shows no traces all would be forgotten and he came and begged her to come back, my mother would beg my sis not to go, but always left every time, until one day he beat her up so bad she landed in a coma, brain dead and on life support machines, we refused to lose hope, until she eventually passed away. I don’t date, I have set such high standards they are impossible for anyone to meet (at least thats what my friends say), I’m the only daughter my mother has left it would kill her if I brought a guy home, I cant trust anyone, I get guys that I really like and as soon as they try and get close to me, I push them away and break all contact. It doesn’t help that Im a virgin either, I have reached a state where I refuse to be emotional about anything. I spend all my time studying and working so I dont have enough time to feel lonely but truth be told I am. And it doesn’t help either that my sisters both passed away at 27 and Im fast approaching that age. Im sceptical of everything, as soon as I find someone perfect, I spend my time looking for all the wrong things Ill use against him when I justify in my mind why I let him go. Its gotten so bad, I can even leave because he chews with his left jaw and not the right. As soon as they start talking sex “they after my virginity”, I even refuse to let a guy do anything for me. I am going crazy and no one knows, they just think I have high standards while honestly I couldn’t careless what a guy has and doesn’t, I have just built a barricade around myself that I cant even control anymore

My point is, maybe just maybe Im a different person than this, maybe I would be falling inlove and giving it up without care if all of this never happened but because I question every guys intention and I make them pay for what happened to my sisters Ill never know, Ill probably die alone with 72 cats and a rotten cake cos of lack of trust.

Yours Sincerely
Sheltered