Confessions – Chapter One Hundred and Forty Six

Maybe what I had been led to believe was wrong that men love and will do anything when there is a willing girl in front of him. I had played my cards right and was ready to give myself to him but he had rejected me. There are fewer moments that when a man rejects you. It’s for women to reject men not the other way round. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. What was I doing wrong? Was he that angry at me about what had happened that he had said no? I did not know him that we’ll to be honest so maybe he was one of those people that kept a grudge. On my head I done that for two legitimate reasons. One, I wanted to thank him for all he had done for me and sex was the best way I could think of. Secondly, I also wanted to say I am sorry for partying even though I had told him of my intentions. To be honest there was a third reason which girls are not allowed to admit, I was horny, it had been a long while and I wanted to get laid. In our culture black girls are not allowed to admit that they have cravings too. Only men get horny they pretend in in society.

I called him and he picked up. At least he was not being a brat and ignoring me. He made no mention of what had just happened and instead said he was about to enter his neighbourhood! I had no idea where he lived so that did not surprise me at all. He had not told me and I was afraid that if I asked I was going to appear pushy. No one likes a pushy girl because at some point you appear needy. He said he will not be seeing me tomorrow because he had to run to Bloemfontein. He said he was driving and I was welcome to drive with. I said no. I did not want to go home so soon. What if he left me there? Nope! I was a JHB girl now and no more dusty small town for me. I asked him what he was doing there and he said its for business. That was my cue to shut up and stop asking questions on things that did not concern me!

I am sorry but I was curious, I had to ask. I asked him what had gone wrong tonight. Why did he reject me like that? I told him he made me feel cheap and small by that action. He said he did not think I would see it like that but next time he will handle it better! Next time? So he intended to reject me again? Was he mad? He explained he is not that kind of guy that jumps to every opportunity because it has to be just right. He also pointed out that he was not about to have sex with my “loose canon” cousin sleeping in the next room listening to everything. I had even forgotten she was there and to be fair, she had not endeared herself too well to Rodney on the tow occasions he had met her. That was a well deserved assessment on his part! With that said we said out goodnight. What else was there left to say? I was not entirely satisfied by all this though but what could I say or do.

When I entered the bedroom I got an sms from Julius. I had even forgotten that we had met let alone swapped numbers. He was apologising for getting me in trouble with dad. O sweet naive boy. In buildings like these they are rarely ever our father’s this late at night. I indulged him and said all was cool he was gone. He asked if he could come over for a night cap and get to chat without the loudness of the party. I told him he could come through. Really didn’t have a reason to say no. This is the beauty of staying in a place like this. All your friends are close by and you do not need a reason for your parents as to why you should have them over so late at night. I loved the freedom. At home it’s a mission even during the day to get friends to come over. Five minutes later he was upstairs with me. He knocked and I made him wait a minute or so, this way I would not appear eager. This time he was drinking coke and not alcohol. I asked him why he had stopped drinking and he said that alcohol was meant to make a person tipsy as opposed to leaving them crawling on their knees. You should always maintain a level of dignity and self respect in everything you do. Mmmm I liked how this guy thought.

We chatted for what seemed like hours. He told me his background and all that he had been through to get here. He was funny too, cracking jokes whenever the conversation was getting serious. I had a very good time actually just talking. He said he was leaving later that day for Polokwane but could be tempted to stay. He was hinting I could see. I just laughed.

Around 3 he said he had to leave. He had left the party for too long which was impolite. He stood up and I walked him to the door. As I was closing the door he turned around and he kissed me.

It’s was what I needed. I melted into his arms and put my arms around his neck. He is taller than me so I had to tippy toe a bit and lean into him.

That was a beautiful moment!

I wanted him and not Rodney. He was my age group and with ambition as well.

What was I going to do now?

****The End****

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

I love your blogs. Sometimes in marriage abuse does not necessary come from the husband but mothers and sisters in-laws.

I am a 29yr old woman married for 2yr now. I grew up with a granny that disliked my mother and till today I dont know why anyone can dislike someone like my mother. She is so kind, humble, down to earth well mannered and soft-spoken and mostly loving. My granny often told my mom the she liked my dad’s ex which my big brother ‘s mother. Funny enough it the same woman who left her 3 moth baby (my big brother) at my gran’s doorstep without anything but a nappy and a vest on and never looked back and that was years before my mom and dad met, I mean how can you have respect for such a woman. My gran I would say hated my mom because she would swear at her and even beat her for no reason and me and my little brother suffered for being our mother’s kids. She would call us names and swear at us telling us we not her grandchildren and everything she works for including her house was for her only grandson which is my big brother. My dad was working away so we were staying with my grandmother cause he could not afford a house then and my mom was struggling to get a job. Often we would also be threaten to thrown out of the house. My mom 1 day got tired and fought
back beat my granny back, packed our stuff and we left to stay with her mother, till my dad could buy a house. Till today we not close with and my big brother still stays with my granny. Now I am grown and the first time my husband took me to meet his family before we got married it was dejavu. My mother in-law refused to meet me saying she was already used to my husband’s ex gf and a mother of his child and she needs time to get over her….I kid you not. I was sitting in the car outside their yard for almost 2hrs after driving from cpt to the eastern cape before my husband came out and said we must leave his mother does not want to meet me. What hurts me the most is the she knew we were coming and she was fine with it but realised she is not read to meet me after driving 1100km to see her. The lobola negotiations dragged to an extant my family was getting impatient because was as if they are the ones asking their mu husband’s hand in marriage. After becoming a makoti my mother in law never welcomed me to her family, she is cold and does not tell me what she is expecting from me or does not even tell me when I am doing things wrong, instead she complains to her son and goes around talking about me saying I am not disciplined and I feed her take always and that’s a lie because I cook 3 meals a day everyday when we visiting her. She would often ask my husband about his ex gf and complimenting her and her beautiful child. She is not rude or anything she is just cold. She never compliment my food and I am a damn good cook or compliment the gifts I bring for her when we visiting she would just say thank you and Ill never know if she likes it or not. This winter I bought her 2 coats but I never gave them to her because I dont know it she would like them. We dont talk or call each other. She only call her son and he would tell me she send het greetings and I dont believe him most of the time I know he is only trying to be polite. This hurts me a lot and I always drag visiting herI only do it for my husband who annoys me a lot because he does not see anything wrong and say I am always looking for problems and his mother is a very nice person I must give her chance and not judge her. I am even scared to have kids cause I fear they might be ill treated because they are mines.

NB: KARMA IS A B*TCH. What you do to others will come back to you, maybe not directly but it will. If you ill treating your daughter inlaw know that you not only breaking her but your son because he wil also suffer when his marriage doesn’t work out and mostly remember you also have a daughter, granddaughter or nieces and they will also one day get married and become someone’s daughter in-laws. My granny mistreated someone’s daughter and now I am paying but I will never do that to anyone’s daughter because I know how much it hurts.
When our parent give us over to you they do not throw us out, they do so because you asked nicely and promise to take care and treat us like family. We still loved by our families please dont treat us like trash. You might not physically abuse us but the emotional abuse is destroying us.

Thank You

Venting