Memoirs – Chapter Seventy Three

Would you rather not know if your partner cheated? Whom would you rather hear it from them or or a second party? Is confessing the best way to go? Pastors lie when you take your vows and encourage you that you must tell your partner everything! What if you tell your partner and the reaction is that it induces a heart attack and they die? What then? I could hardly concentrate as I envisaged everything that she could possibly say to me. In marriage the worst thing is not killing someone, it’s being told that your wife cheated! That breaks you. Trust is like a page of paper, once you crumple it, it will never be straight again! I wanted to trust my wife, really I do but this was a bit too much. I wanted to park on the side of the road and scream my lungs out but this is Helen Zilles Cape Town you don’t just park anywhere. I swear in the years I have been here there are less black people in Cape Town. It’s remarkable. Black people are now stuck in the townships so no I could not park on the side. There was too much traffic even if I wanted to in any case. When I got to our building I parked in my bay. I sat in the car for a good thirty minutes confused as to what to do next. The problem comes from the fact that because I had cheated too, twice in fact I had no legs to stand on. I know people want to say it’s better when a man cheats but that’s not the case. It’s the same crime and yes women tend to be punished more when they do that does not justify it from my side! I was wrong and I was reaping the seeds of my betrayal. Dalu clapping me was the correct thing to do! I had let myself and my family down! I would forgive her if she cheated no doubt! She was my wife, for better or worse must mean something I guess!

When I walked back into the office everyone stared at me as though I had been convicted of a crime. It was worse than when I left. Some of the white colleagues were even whispering to themselves but looking at me. It was so weird. In my section we have a secretary. She is studying law through UNISA. I do not think she knew I was coming back because when I walked in she dropped her file. I had only been gone a week and already I was being treated like an outsider. Sanchia Van Straden was her name and she was a colored lady with a smoking habit. She was always on the edge but we got along well enough. I asked her what was wrong and she said that a memo had gone around announcing that we had been fired and everyone had been put on notice because of us. The partners were reviewing everyone’s cases even. We had been fired without being told? What the hell was happening? What had Lindiwe do to change this stance? No wonder why everyone was staring at me! This was bad.

In the office I dropped my bad and I went straight to the bosses office as he had requested. The serious face was gone and now he was cheerful. It was as though he was trying to get on to my good side. He said that there had been a huge misunderstanding in all this and the firm owed me an apology. I asked what had taken place because I still was quite unclear as to what had happened. He said that did not matter as it was an internal thing which as the attornies for the union we were not privy today. He said in their apology they had given both Lindiwe and I plus our partners holidays away to Mauritius. Holiday? I I could not normally afford this so this was a good thing and maybe a chance to fix things with my wife! I love my wife. Yes I cheated but I love my wife and my marriage had to work. I had love Asthandile since I was sixteen and it’s not the first time I had said that she was gold in my eyes. I had found a woman above my means and every day I looked forward to coming just to be with her. That was the truth and losing her at this point was not an option. He also said they were considering us for partnership in the new Jhb office they were opening. From being almost fired to this I was in shock. Something big had just happened here! I should be excited but there was more on mind! Imagine me a partner? Wow who could have thought!

The morning was incredibly awkward as the stares did not die down. In fact it got worse. Dalu was not there. At lunch my wife finally called. She called me and she said she was downstairs. I don’t recall telling her that I was back at work but that’s not an issue right now. When I got downstairs she black bags under her eues to show that she had been crying. I wanted to cry too! At times when bad things happen you just know. She asked to go to the wimpy down the road as we needed to talk. We didn’t walk side by side. In fact she walked behind me which was rather weird but ok doable. She could not look me in the eye I guess but I do not think I could either. I was ready to confess about Khanyi and I even though it would seem as though I was doing it to hurt her back. I doubt though I could get a better timing than this. It was like the long walk to freedom only problem was there was no joy at the end of the road. She spoke as soon as we set down!

“You know I love you and I would never intentionally do something to hurt you?”

She began. If she was expecting an answer well then I don’t have one. I just stared back at her. I could see she had not slept at all.

“Yesterday when I left I was so angry at you I called friends from work whom I knew would be out! We were hosting a small function but not my department…”

I didn’t even know they had departments.

“I went and I drank… a lot…”

Last time I said when my wife gets tipsy she gets horny and that’s no joke. I knew were this was going and I had tears in my eyes. No negate that, the tears in my eyes were rolling down my cheeks!

“I had nowhere to sleep. I went to these two interns place and I…”

She had slept with him! My hurt was cracking! I was guilty too and I knew I was going to until she said,

“I slept with them both… I think or one I don’t know! I was just so angry and drunk … I am sorry!”

I stood up and left.

****The End****

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

hi Mike

My concern is with the readers, please when u give advice try to be positive, I can’t say my relationship with my mother in-law is not good, she’s cold towards me and u advice that I must stop visiting her and be cold towards her too. Remember I want my marriage to work out and last so either way must….i jst do good ka my mother in law, coz she my is mother in law for life.

Try to motivate a person, never give up in a situation esp if u know that u can get it right. Right now am married and my first born is nt my husband’s so it was difficult for hubby to related to her but I encouraged the relationship and am still pushing, yes now they are trying even though is not easy, am doing all this because I want this marriage to work and be a happy family.

You never give up esp if there is something u want in the process, so please let’s try to motivate one another and give hope in process, not kill the spirit. #a go be le bogodishano le kagishano#!! If u can’t gv good advice rather drop the card to those who can, put ur self in their shoes first before u gv ur negative advice. Please and stop with the insults, don’t judge. And remember our problems differ, jst coz u dealt with it better doesn’t mean 1 can’t raise it or myb u haven’t been there so let’s not break other ppl spirits instead let’s water the plant so that it can nourish and grow.

Mamphoke