Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Four

I always laugh when I hear people who say that now that we are free and independent apartheid is dead. Really? Have you ever been to small towns especially where the white man is still king of all? In Cape Town you get pockets of such people that think that black people are after a free ride. They work you harder, shout at you louder, argue with you at every mistake but what kills me the most is how they try and put you in your place at every turn. I will give an example, at work when Lindiwe and I got sent to deal with the unions it was not because we were the best of the best but because it was black people causing problems so black people must deal with them. That’s why at work most of the clients I saw were darker skinned. Anyway I asked him by what he meant by that. He quickly said that he was not being racial which is what I thought he would say. He went on to say that he could not help us because we were in league with the officers and now that shit had hit the fan we were trying to worm our way out of it. Dalu tried to speak up because I think he thought they had struck a deal earlier and now this guy was turning on him.

“Like I said they are part of an ongoing investigation. We have enough start witnesses so chances are we can’t offer you a deal if you give evidence. It will be up to the Commission of Enquiry what happens to you!”

He said turning back to me. Dalu stood up and said to me we must leave. He said this man was not honourable and had betrayed him. The man just laughed but we walked out nonetheless. Dalu had made a bad situation worse.

I had to go back to Asthandile though. I left Dalu standing there looking like the fool he was. I had intended to give him back the money he had loaned me when I had to pay off the first time but now was thinking twice. Yeah fine, I am that black person stingy with paying back debts. I don’t ddo it on purpose that’s why I always try not to borrow. As I drove back to my place again I had a lot on my mind. I did not seem to be coping mentally with all that was happening. I needed to get away from it all. I called my wife to see where she was and she said she had decided to take a walk home. It was not far and the fresh air would do her good. This meant I got home before her. She did not take long though. She asked me what was going on and at first my intention was to lie to her. You know how we men lie to our women with the excuse that we are trying to protect them. I don’t know why it’s in our DNA to assume that women cannot handle the truth and should stay in a bubble. It’s not protecting them to be honest it’s belittling them. I do it all the time so let me not try and come out like a hero. I decided to tell her everything with obvious exception of me fucking her friend. My punchline though after telling her of the beating up of Khanyi was,

“I know how much you loved her so I had to do something because what happened to her could have been you and that I could not live with!”

She was very quiet when she listened and was not the interrupting sort. Her tears started flowing down her cheeks and she went on to say,

“I did not realize that I put you through all this. She is my friend and you did everything you did to protect me! I know you love me but I never thought you loved me this much!”

She said in what was either honesty or ignorance! Dwee woman of course I loved you! You and your lying cheating ways! She hugged me and said she knew someone who could help. At times I wonder if my wife was ever really a housewife in my home! How could she possibly know someone who could help in this scenario? I however chose not to ask her. My wife was starting to scare me and I did not recognise her anymore. Too much was going on with her. Fair enough though because a lot was going on with me too.

As I was sitting with her I got a call from Zimasa. She asked if I could come pick her up from school. I asked what was wrong and she responded,

“My friend is sleeping over and it would be kind of cool for us not to walk. Besides it’s about to rain!”

I think Asthandile heard me because she said it was a good idea too. She needed to nap because that walk had exhausted her. It was not about to rain, or at least I think so what were these people talking about. At least tomorrow was a holiday meaning that I could have a weekend in the middle of the week and not have to deal with Dalu. I was mentally and emotionally tired but decided to do so.

I picked them up outside the school gate. The first thing I noticed was that her friend had transformed herself. The first time they came to my office she was wearing a longish skirt, big blazer. Today she was wearing a very short uniform and a school cardigan. It’s not ego, usually a man can tell when a girl or woman is putting on a show for them. The pervert gene in men is not very far away unfortunately. I was already turned on by my enemy’s daughter!

She sat in the back seat and proceeded to ask me a lot of questions on the way home. I asked Zimasa if Asthandile had met her before and she said no. I told them both that it would not be a good idea to say her who her father was because Asthandile was having problems at work so it would look wrong. Like all teenagers, they readily agreed because they all want to act and be seen as grown up. When we got home Asthandile was on the phone. I don’t think she heard us because the curtains in the bedroom were closed and the TV downstairs was still old. The girls went into the garage to do something I am not sure what.

When I got upstairs I heard her on the phone talking in harsh whispers. All I could hear her say was,

“No… I am fixing things with him and he is willing to forgive me so no, we need to cool it off!”

She was talking to a man. She went on to say in her annoyed voice,

“I didn’t say I am breaking up with you so stop being dramatic. Take care of your pregnant wife….”

I didn’t hear more because I think she hung up. I went downstairs as Zimasa and her friend walked into the house cheerfully.

There was no way I was going to fail in my mission of fucking hiss daughter!

*****The End******

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dearest Mike and readers.

Im a 23 year old who has had it tough all my life but always made sure that i dont let my situation define me. My dad died when i was still in primary my mom never took care of me the only thing she knows is telling people and everyone who cared to listen that im her daughter but she doesnt know that most times i go to bed hungry and in tears because of her choices. My mum’s aunt took care of me ever since i was young but now i noticed that she is abusing me emotionally and otherwise every chance she gets. I work piece jobs (two days a week) because i cant find a level entry job as i matriculated 2009 and went to college but dropped out due to lack of finances. My moms aunt who I call (ma) be-littles me in everything that i do, she demands my wages, she controls me and sometimes beats me up because i dont “listern” to her so she says. Iv tried talking with my biological mom about my current situation and all she cares about is getting drunk with her boyfriend that she stays with. I sometimes wish i was dead or had the courage take my life because i cannot take it anymore. Everything I try to do to help my family and self is met with oh you think you better than us well just so you know you will never “make it” because your mom is a domkop who thought she knew it all, look at how she turned out nawe isphelo sakho will be exacly like hers. I dont want to fail, i want to prove them wrong that i will achieve against all these odds they stacked before me. But im trying as hard as it is but ndiyohluleka kakhulu please help me, im willing to relocate as i don’t want to stay here anymore. All i need is a job so that i work and study part time and complete my diploma.

Thank you
(Alone and desparate)