Etiquette Shmetiquette: My Mom Wants Favors and I Don't!

Today is Etiquette Shmetiquette day!

When planning your wedding, you may find that everybody and their mother (literally!) has an opinion about what you should be wearing/serving/buying/etc... Especially when you tell them you want to have an environmentally friendly wedding.

We all know we're supposed to bite our tongue and act as the compromising diplomat, but even Dear Abby wasn't perfect. Here I'll give you a common etiquette question, Dear Abby style, but with an alternative, less cultured, answer.
Dear Eco & Elsie,


I don't want to give favors out because I'm afraid they'll just end up in the trash, but my mother is horrified by the idea of not having them. What should I do?


- Amanda (Favor-less in Texas)

What you want to say: Threaten her with elopement and then, in your most exasperated tone, tell her that you'll only agree to give out these useless trinkets if she can sufficiently explain the series finale of Lost, which has left a vast and darkening hole in your life since 2010.


What you should probably say instead: "I really appreciate your concern for our guests mom, but this wedding should represent the values that my future husband and I share. Contributing to waste in the environment is something I am deeply against." Then offer to look up more eco-friendly favors online, such as edible goodies or plantable items.

Got an etiquette question? Feel free to send it to [email protected] and don't hesitate to include your own "what you wish you could say."