Missing my boy

I knew that being a single mom was going to be one of the toughest obstacles I would have to overcome in my lifetime, but I’m currently being tested on my ability to stay strong. For those of you who don’t know me personally, I’m pretty strong-willed. It takes a lot to penetrate my armor, largely because I’ve gone through so much and learned from all of it. But currently, life has me by the balls — and I think I could use your help and advice.

Let me fill you in. When I got the job on “The View” this summer, I knew I had to make a major decision — and this time, forcing my child to move again felt unfair to me. I moved to Chicago so Evan could get the chance to have a “normal” upbringing: No paparazzi, tons of friends and small-town love. And it’s worked. Moving to this small town has made Evan a different boy. In fact, he has told me that moving to Chicago was the best thing I have ever done for him. So I knew that telling him Mommy’s job was moving to NYC was going to be difficult.

As I was about to deliver the news, I had a thought: “Why don’t I let him decide what HE wants to do?” Evan will be 12 next year, and I knew our caretaker would gladly take care of him Monday through Thursday and that I would be home Thursday through Sunday. So I sat him down and asked, “Where do YOU want live?”

He thought for a moment and said, “I want to finish fifth grade in Chicago, and then I’ll come.”

I now fly home to Chicago Thursday through Sunday, or he comes to visit me those days. I thought it would be bearable, but I have to be honest: I love being a mom. I need him here. I miss him dearly.

Guess this is more like a journal page than a blog today. But it’s in my head, so I thought I would share. Is it fair for me to let him decide, or should I decide for him, due to my own heartache?