What Your Christmas Tree says About You.

Resident anthropologists.

We are in the midst of that most revealing of rituals. I have gathered together the finest anthropologists, gotten them tipsy on gluwhein and feuerzangenbowle and prised from their befuddled but brilliant minds, an exclusive extract from their soon to be published paper on the cultural traits of modern Christmas decorating.

1) Norwegian fir with lighted candles - hold the ouija board steady, Prince Albert is here! If you are not HRH then you must handle the pyrotechnics for Kiss or you have an extensive rap sheet for arson.

2) Rustic - You think Botox is the devil’s work, you don’t drink, you don’t smoke, you eat clean, you are bit like a Tory minister so we can all imagine the sort of shenanigans you get up to behind closed doors.

3) Scandi red & white - If Rudolf, Blitzen and Donner were ever looking for a hand hauling Santa’s sleigh you’d be only too delighted to put the bit between your teeth as you LOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEEEE Christmas. You trim yours whilst wearing a red and white onesie and an antler hair band.

4) Artificial white - You play The Blue Nile’s Tinsel Town in the Rain on repeat, Saturday Night Fever is your favourite film, Las Vegas is your favourite holiday destination and Liberace is your style icon.

5) Nordmann Fir & white roses: Hmm sounds familiar; moving swiftly on chaps…

6) The Kitchen Sink tree: childhood bobbles, tinsel, chocolate Santas, a sentimental roadmap of all of your Christmas days. You are a warm hearted Mrs Claus for whom all children are nice, never naughty and have 'It's A Wonderful Life' playing on repeat.

Do remember, thieving baubles from others and stuffing them into one's Launer handbag 'for homesies' is frankly beyond the pale.
// var _gaq = _gaq || (); _gaq.push(('_setAccount', 'UA-17888581-1')); _gaq.push(('_trackPageview')); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')(0); s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); //