Lost Sheep

Received a really disappointing news today. Probably a bit more disappointed than usual because I had/was given hope for it. It makes me ponder if efforts equate to results, sincerity to loyalty, honesty to trust, perseverance to accomplishments, reflections to developments. Feels like a struggle right now because so much was given/invested, so much was thought about, so much determination, so much hope, so many experiments, so many setbacks and disappointments…. counting my blessings really helped for a good while and for some reason, it doesn't work as well as the past now. Maybe it has become such an instant consolation whenever disappointments happened, that it clouded vision to determine the crux of the problem. Or maybe the rewards in comparison to the setbacks were too far away to be seen. Somehow it feels as though I'm back to where I was standing right when I started.

I don't know what else I can do. Tried learning as much along the way, reflected hard and sought advice when reasons couldn't be understood. Some time back I was searching for the light at the end of the tunnel.. why does it seem so dim still. I wonder if it will ever come, how else can I improve and what are the alternatives. For the longest time I've no answers and still no answers.

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Thank you Sha, for accompanying me today <3