COINS IN THE METER, BANGING ON THE KEYBOARD

How do I begin? It feels like a long time since I’ve sat still here battering away at the keyboard to put down some words. It has been a long time. I have almost forgotten who I am. (This could be a blessing.) Today Isaac and I dropped Julius off at his uncle and aunt’s house before driving to Venice beach. Coins in the meter, tired legs through the sand. We walked to the ocean and walked walked walked along the tide. We have not stopped. I said, do you want to stop here with me. As we lay on the coast and looked at the blue spangled sky I remembered what it’s all about.

A helicopter shot across the sea towards Topanga and we marveled, how quickly the metal flies, how man dreams the humans have. How clunky compared to the flight of a bird or a zephyr, dolphin, flower, heart. We have strived so much to understand this matter of matter, to know ourselves and each other in relation to form, to the limitations and structures we find ourselves in and outside of. I choked on my tears as I realized how deeply I have missed the simplicity of sitting in wonder as the world goes by. Reflecting, ruminating, allowing it in.

It’s so easy to forget the magic when one keeps doing doing doing. I promise to change this now. The mundane can be glorious. I know I’ve had the blinkers on, trying to get somewhere, when really there will always be lists upon lists upon errands upon chores to do, and the doors to the netherworlds will stay closed until I open them. In the world of form I forget those doors. I do not want to. Fling open the flimsy gates! Enter the alternate! Adventure alive!

As the days come to a close, I put away my sons scattered toys and reflect on the day – was this a day that I enjoyed? Am I grateful for my experiences in their entirety? What would I change? How would I do things differently? What did not work? How could I improve? I enjoy this reflection, this pause, this door of perception. Dancing in the worlds between worlds we are, and then we put the coins in the meter and push the buttons and bang the keyboard and it starts all over again. Dance dance dance.