You may want to bleach your computer after you read this

I think it was Monday evening when Caroline mentioned that her throat felt a little scratchy and I gave her mom response option B which is “You’re fine. It’s just allergies.” But then she woke up Tuesday morning and it did seem like her voice was a little scratchy. However, she tends to play up any symptoms to their fullest and I felt like there was a little dramatic effect thrown in for good measure, mainly because she sounded less like someone with laryngitis and more like Kermit the Frog.

By the time I picked her up from school on Tuesday she had lapsed into full-blown, hack up a lung coughing, but insisted she still wanted to go watch the high school girls play soccer that evening with P. And, other than the cough, she seemed to be feeling fine so I agreed.

They got back home around 8:00 and she showered and got in bed but couldn’t quit coughing. When I went in to give her some cough medicine I pushed her hair back out of her face and that’s when I felt it. Fever.

Dang.

At some point in the last two months we have clearly angered all the germs and they have set up camp in our home to seek their vengeance. This might be payback for my mockery of essential oils.

(I know, I know. Essential oils are the greatest thing since Mr. Hall invented the cough drop and are the key to world peace and inner serenity. I’m not opposed to oils. I even have some peppermint oil and lavender oil in my home. I just forget to use them.)

(I need you to keep in mind that I also used to mock email and fax machines. My track record for recognizing innovation is poor at best.)

Anyway, Caroline woke up during the night with a cough that sounded like someone was trying to wrestle a cougar and – I’m no doctor – but I know that’s not how the human lungs are supposed to sound. And so it was clear by 7:00 a.m. that she wouldn’t be going to school but would absolutely be going to the doctor, especially when I took her temperature and realized it was 102 which is super high for her because she rarely has fever.

The doctor visit confirmed that she doesn’t have the flu or strep but rather some mystery virus that apparently comes with fever, a cough and a throat that feels like it’s on fire. So we picked up her favorite sweet tea from Raising Cane’s and came home and spent the day on the couch with Advil, a blanket, a hacking cough and some tears. I think the lowest point came about an hour ago when she sneezed all over me and then said, “Don’t worry, Mom. I didn’t get it on my blanket.”

Perfect. I’m so glad the blanket won’t catch her virus.

It has not been my favorite of the days.

And so that’s what’s going on around here.

Needless to say, I’m back in the Thin Mints. And the wine.