You mess with the javelina, you’re gonna get the tusks

I’m sitting here watching the championship game and it’s halftime right now so I’m going to do my best to write before all my attention is focused on whether or not Oregon can come back. Or maybe just before I fall asleep on the couch.

Because you know what I’ve discovered? The line between taking care of a post-op dog and a nervous breakdown is very thin.

Here’s the main problem. No one has bothered to let Mabel know that she is convalescing and should perhaps take it easy.

In case you haven’t listened to the podcast or follow me on Instagram or have my house wire-tapped, Mabel decided to take on a pack of javelinas at the ranch last Thursday afternoon. This was not a well-thought out plan and was no doubt fueled by the sheer adrenaline that is the cornerstone of Mabel’s personality.

I was in Houston for a speaking thing (Shout out to River Oaks Baptist School! Loved being with y’all.) when I received a text from P letting me know Mabel had been in a fight with some javelinas and he’d rushed her to the nearby vet where they took her in for emergency surgery. And in case you’re unfamiliar, this is a javelina.

When he takes the dogs to the ranch, P always lets them run behind the Polaris because they have energy to burn and they are big fans of a long run with a few side trails to chase rabbits or roadrunners or whatever. So he didn’t think much of it when they disappeared into the brush until they failed to come back. Then finally Piper popped out but Mabel wasn’t with her. Just as he turned back around to see where Mabel was, she came running out and that’s when he noticed her leg was bloody. He knew immediately it was javelinas.

He loaded her in her kennel and got her to the vet where they discovered her injuries went down to the bone. And so our poor Mabel is now the proud owner of a whole bunch of stitches, a cone of shame, and hopefully some lingering regrets that will cause her to never run into a bunch of javelinas again.

But I kind of doubt that last part because, well, Mabel is gonna Mabel.

As for the javelinas, it didn’t end well for them either because P was a man with a vendetta.

Mabel has spent the bulk of her time since then pacing aimlessly around the house in between writing poetry about the cruel nature of the animal kingdom. She’s especially proud of a piece she wrote entitled, “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?”

Meanwhile, Piper is quietly celebrating the fact that she is faster than her sister by wearing her best sparkly beret. It’s like the old story about being chased by a lion. You don’t have to be faster than the lion, you just have to be faster than the guy running next to you.

But every now and then we catch her staring into the fire and have no doubt she’s thinking, “Man, that could’ve been me.”

Or maybe she’s just thinking, “I wish they’d accidentally leave a block of cheese on the countertop again.”