A FASHION FAIRYTALE

I've always considered Cinderella more of a horror story than a fairytale. Firstly, the protagonist leaves the hottest party of the year before midnight, she flagrantly breaks the rules when it comes to mixing metallics (if you're up on your Grimms, you'd know her dress is gold and silver), and then, just when you think it can't get any worse, Cindy goes and leaves her bespoke glass shoes (so avant garde, by the way) behind. As an aside, I've also always felt that the ugly sisters were misunderstood and would be sartorially applauded as Man Repellers if they existed in 2014...

A few weeks ago, shoe giant Deichmann challenged bloggers to review Caroline Blomst's SS14 collaboration. I considered this a sign from the fairy shoe godmothers that I rewrite (and draw) the Cinderella story in comic book form, complete with Caroline starring as the insouciantly cool, Marant-wearing fairy godmother, who's sorely missing from the Grimms Bros' books. You may observe the fruits of my labour above, but since comic book captions are a little too restrictive for my verbose tendencies, I have included a more in-depth review below.

You'll be pleased to know that there is a shoe for every kind of girl, and indeed, the fairytale character you may identify with. Observe the multi-buckle court, a pump to punctuate both diaphanous dresses and skinny leather trousers - one for the modern Wicked Witches of the West, whose weakness is not water but rather Saint Laurent accessories and Tom Ford lipsticks.

Aladdin's Jasmine, who was ahead of the curve in harem pants and cropped tops, would surely go gaga for the urban-ready kicks. So much cooler than a magic carpet for transporting you across the city.

Allow me to deviate slightly from fairytale tradition to include Disney's Pocahontas, who was rocking Shibori way before Proenza, and would have probably been singing about more than the Colours of the Wind if she'd laid eyes on this Aztec-inspired loafer. (Plus she does a lot of running, for which heels would frankly be impractical.)

My personal favourite? The peep-toe shoe-boot. Give me peekaboo lace panels and a buckle-adorned ankle strap and I'm happier than those singing seamstress pigeons in Cinderella. I'd style them with ripped jeans and a slouchy tee; Snow White would probably accessorise with red lipstick and an Alice band. Now that's a versatile shoe.

These and more from the Caroline Blomst Blogger Collection are exclusively available at Deichmann from today, starting from the purse palatable price of £17.99. Who needs glass slippers anyway?

(Illustrations by me!)