Ask Jenny: Papa, don’t preach

Dear Jenny,

Recently, my 9-year-old son filled me in on some of the things his grandfather (my dad) has been saying to him while he stays overnight at his house. Unfortunately, some of the things regarding my husband and me are not very nice. In addition to that, his grandfather has also been sharing some really intense parts of the Bible that don’t sit well with me or my parenting style. This is odd to me, because my father has never been terribly religious. Why now?

My gut instinct is to speak to my father and let him know that I don’t appreciate these things being said to my son, and ask him to please stop, but I fear this may lead to him asking my son why he told me these things, thus putting my child in an uncomfortable situation. I’m not sure how to handle this. Any advice?

— Myrtle from Daytona Beach, Fla.

Jenny says: Wow, you got me thinking about this one. Personally, I always advise to go with your gut instinct. In this case, yours is telling you to speak to your father and let him know you don’t appreciate these things being said to your son. I would also strongly emphasize that he should not go to your son and reprimand him for coming to you. Let your father know that adult drama within a family should be left for adults to deal with, not children. I would also explain that you want your son to have an incredible relationship with his grandfather, so you hope it moves in the direction of love and not gossip.

Then talk to your son, thank him for being honest with you and let him know he can always come to you if he has any more problems. If this issue persists, consequences have to be put into action — and you have to stand by them. Depending on how much it upsets you, I would recommend fewer visits — or no visits — until he respects your rules. Grandparents are supposed to be supporters, so remind him to be the best grandpa he can be.