Absolute Truths
- I laugh way too hard whenever my kids get hurt. Ok let me clarify: when they stub a toe or run into a table corner, that I don't laugh at. I know how bad that can hurt and I console and hold and stroke and love on. It's when they do things like fly off the sled when I'm whipping them around a corner at 50 MPH...and they do a few somersaults before skidding to a stop on their face in the snow.
And then when I come back to retrieve them and they are staring at me all flustered and frozen with snow caked in their ears and nostrils and OMG I lose it. So, so, so hilarious. Hashtag only good moms laugh when their kids slip on ice.
- Last week I instagrammed this photo (do you follow me on instagram? 'Cause you totally should):
and I realized something. Like really really life-changing realized something.
After a few off-color comments, I came to the soul searching conclusion that I am the Lindsey Lohan of the bunch. Not only that, but I am totally, 100%, unequivocally absolutely okay with it. Furthermore, I am borderline proud of it. Hell, it may just be my next tattoo.
I mean, LL is at least a fun time. Beyonce seems like a stuck-up, stick-in-the-hole bitch. Who wants to be around that?!
- I'm unabashedly obsessed with Bravo's Vanderpump Rules. Those people are my tribe. And again, totally not embarrassed about it. Honored. Noble. Gratified. What have you.
- I fully base my friendships around alcohol. As in, if you don't drink, we can't be friends. As in, if you don't know how to have fun, we can't be friends. As in, if you don't watch Vanderpump Rules and totally relate, we cannot be friends!
- I can admit my faults. I can apologize for my transgressions. I always will. But if you can't, won't and don't? Well then, let me just say this:
That's all.
Happy Monday friends.
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