Bachelor Episode 2: Addicted to Love

It’s Mansion Monday kids. And look at that, postman Chris just delivered a letter! Kristy, the Venice Beach Hypercolor t-shirt model, opens the first date card.

DATE #1: Sarah, Sean and Spiderman

Sarah, the gal that I can’t make fun of, and that Sean can’t really vote off, gets the first date card. Mr. super Bachelor Sean makes quite the appearance by picking up Sarah in a choppah! They put on their choppah headsets and smile at each other and say nothing as they circle the city before landing on top of a building.
Before they can enjoy the view, Sean tells Sarah that if she wants a drink, she has to jump 35 floors off the side of the building to get it. It kind of reminds me of those times when you really want a drink and the only thing left in your liquor cabinet is some dusty warm champagne and bathtub gin but you pour yourself a drink anyway.
So Sean drags poor Sarah off the building and she screams like Annie being chased up the railroad track ladder by Rooster, Lily and Miss Hannigan. Sadly for Sarah, Punjab and his turban were nowhere to be found. Somehow, they survive, swill a little champagne and change outfits. Sarah earns the rose.

Date #2 - Harlequin Whores
Thirteen girls embark on a “group date” with Sean on a Harlequin novels cover shoot. I feel so bad Fifty Shades of Grey girl isn’t here. Poor girl. This is literally her wet dream. Speaking of that, is it just me or does this entire scenario seem very low-budget porn to anyone else? Not that I’ve ever seen one, but I imagine this “romance novel cover shoot” scenario would be the perfect plot – and Tierra and Kristy would be the perfect film stars.
Leslie, the “political consultant” read: future Real Housewife of Houston, gets all the vampires, courtesans and ballroom dancers in a tizzy over her cowgal cutie performance. Meanwhile, a subplot of the D-list models is brewing over landing the cheezy book cover deal. Naturally, former Robert Palmer backup singer Kristy lands the gig.
Tierra ate her feelings, Leslie made me cringe, Daniela talked a lot, Selma got her hair tousled at some point and yoga instructor Katie decided to blow the popsicle stand altogether and get back to the mat. Kacie B. gets the rose for her bravery.

Date #3 – Prank'd


Desiree, the girl with the wedding dress in her closet back home, gets the next date. Since there are no “dates” left on the Bachelor that haven’t been done before, they decide to take a page from Ashton Kutcher’s 2005 playbook for a Bachelor themed episode of Punk’d. “Des” is made to think she destroyed a priceless piece of art in the Bachelor pop-up art show. She’s such a “good sport” about the whole thing that Sean cooks her dinner and brings her back to his place. I gotta say, girl does seem pretty normal. Dare I say it? Team DES.
Claws out at the Castle
Meanwhile, back at the ladies' home sewing circle, things are getting weird. The coven is beginning to realize they're all going for the SAME GUY. And Sean is realizing that almost all of the girls are attractive and cool. Save for Amanda, she's got this whole Angela Jolie in Girl Interrupted thing going on.

Sensitive Sean sends home community organizer Brooke and single mom Diana.
Here's hoping that next week they join with Tru TV for a group date of Killer Karaoke.