It's just HAIR , right?

I've never really been one to be defined by my hair yet so many of my memories about self love/worth surround my hair.
Once upon a time I had long thick hair and it was fabulous. Then I was the unfortunate recepient of a bad perm that caused the majority of my hair to fall out. That was then 'fixed' by a "curl" or "wave nouveau" that was all the rage and my hair began to spiral downward from there. By the time the 'curl' grew out I had already had braids a couple of times and wasn't a fan of sitting for hours on end while I laid there and let someone pull my hair to it's capacity. After the curl and the braids I ended up on that creamy crack ( a perm) curling and damaging my hair all along the way. At some point I wanted a change and begged my mother to purposely cut it all off my junior year in high school.

senior year - short hair don't care

10th grade - right before I cut it all off
It was one of the best decisions I ever made. Short hair changed things somehow and I liked the way my hair framed my face, that I had a little less to "deal" with and that it took the focus off my 'hair issues' for a while. I kept my hair short off and on for the next few years until I was pregnant with Sweet Pea. It grew pretty well thanks to prenatal vitamins and the whole growing a human thing. But then in a postpartum fit I got crazy with some at home hair color on a whim and fried it to no end. I was still rocking a perm at this, point so in order to save my hair, it had to be cut ...again...

In the meantime in between time I still took all kinds of "hair growth vitamins" with little to no luck. It didn't help that I continued to dye my hair on a whim ( I went from blonde to red in the span of 3 months) and use the curling iron liberally.

1st full weave!
I finally took the plunge and let my hair stylist put a weave in while growing out my perm and was happy to see a change in health during the time off. But still, I didn't have any super significant increase in length. And then I got pregnant with the Baby Ninja and it was all good. I mean, I had great growth, it was super healthy as I had no real time to 'do it' and it even looked like it was getting thicker. In short, it was awesome. And I threw another weave in to avoid doing it, because summer new baby, and it grew a bit more and I was happy with that. No postpartum hair loss here!

postpartum luxe locks

And then I started to get bored, it was too dark, too blah too whatever..... I wanted change. So I colored it again.

Here's the thing. Even though I knew how to do my hair, I never really learned how to take care of my hair. Not properly anyway. I picked up things here and there and college was was definitely a learning curve as far as how to maintain my hair without the regular salon appointment that I had grown accustomed to. And there were definitely some questionable moments on my part.
So after this last fiasco I've made a personal mission of mine to get a better handle on my tresses. I want to really learn how to take care of my hair in it's natural curly state as well as to keep it looking nice when it's pressed without doing too much damage with heating products.
I've tried out two of the most popular hair vitamins on the market and had good results so I'm excited to keep it up and see how far that gets me. But I know it's not just about the vitamins, it's about the products I use and styles I lean towards as well.

Yes, I know it's just hair. and for the most part, that's always been my philosophy to an extent. As much as I thought I wasn't, I've let my hair define how I see myself. When my hair isn't right, nothing really is. Not my clothes, my makeup, I just feel 'off'. This past Christmas was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I knew my hair wasn't up to snuff but seeing it in photos and realizing that day that NOTHING I did could hide my thinning edges was not only sad but embarrassing.

I promised myself from that day forward I would treat my hair with more respect, and the same way I take care of my body by working out and eating right, I have to take care of my hair.
I could wax on endlessly about my hair, black hair and our history with our hair that makes it such a PROCESS and BIG DEAL but I've gone on long enough. The point is, I know I'm not my hair but I can't help but wonder how this next step in my journey will change how I see myself yet again.

Do you have any hair struggles you've been dealing with?