Grief and Christmas
{Christmas picture 2013} Grief and loss take on a strange form during the holidays. It morphs and warps and changes depending upon the time of day, amount of sleep I have gotten, and level of loneliness I am feeling at any particular moment.
We don't go home during the holidays so we are left here. We are in our home but it is not "our home". We will spend Christmas alone as a family of four. Everyone talks to their parents. Everyone's Mom loves on their kids. Everyone enjoys their families and the togetherness that the holidays provide.
Grief is often compounded by the holidays. Memories that had been created together and had once brought happiness and joy are now wrought with sadness. Simple traditions like blasting Christmas music while decorating the tree serve to remind us of the gaping wound that exists in our heart. The joy and peacefulness of the holiday season seems to highlight every emotion- including the raw, painful ones. When we make memories with our children, we are continually reminded of who is no longer around to participate.
I know that I have a lot to be grateful for and I am fully aware that I have my own little family that I am responsible for making happy holidays for my children. I am thankful for my blessings and grateful for the opportunity to create my own memories during the holidays, but, the thing is, that does not negate the fact that my Mom is not alive to participate in these memories or holidays and that is painful.
We don't go home during the holidays so we are left here. We are in our home but it is not "our home". We will spend Christmas alone as a family of four. Everyone talks to their parents. Everyone's Mom loves on their kids. Everyone enjoys their families and the togetherness that the holidays provide.
Grief is often compounded by the holidays. Memories that had been created together and had once brought happiness and joy are now wrought with sadness. Simple traditions like blasting Christmas music while decorating the tree serve to remind us of the gaping wound that exists in our heart. The joy and peacefulness of the holiday season seems to highlight every emotion- including the raw, painful ones. When we make memories with our children, we are continually reminded of who is no longer around to participate.
I know that I have a lot to be grateful for and I am fully aware that I have my own little family that I am responsible for making happy holidays for my children. I am thankful for my blessings and grateful for the opportunity to create my own memories during the holidays, but, the thing is, that does not negate the fact that my Mom is not alive to participate in these memories or holidays and that is painful.
More posts from Jamie@HandlingWithGrace
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