Let’s Be Honest…

I’m exhausted. I’m emotional. I’m ashamed. I’m kind of a wreck. October has been a rough month for me and I am more than ready for it to be over.

This move has been taking it out of me. If you’ve ever moved with young children, BLESS YOU. Moving when you have kids is a whole new ballgame for me, and not one I was prepared for. Trying to pack boxes when you have a toddler diving into them and unpacking them at the same time is just ridiculous.

On top of that, our last moves over the past 5 years have been downsizing each time, and I never took the time to really go through things like I should have. Instead, I just stacked things in boxes in the basement or garage. I’m paying for that now. I knew our basement leaked, but mistakenly put some things in areas I THOUGHT were dry. Wrong — two desks and my Wacom tablet, destroyed. China cabinet with black mold on the legs (eek!). Just a mess.

Plus, just … STUFF. I am so over STUFF. It’s not an entirely bad thing though – it resulted in a 10-foot U-Haul worth of stuff going to the Salvation Army. (*Cleansing breaths*)

I’m juggling what feels like a small army of contractors and help right now too. I’m hired a cleaning lady at the old house because it was just easier than finding a baby sitter. (Not to mention, I’m getting tired of leaving Myles so much – I miss him!) Our lease also requires the carpets to be professionally cleaned every six months, so I’m having that done for the final time as well. Then at the new house, we’re having a tree service cut down and trim a few trees in our back yard, and we have a contractor coming to hook up our refrigerator’s water/ice-maker and fix a cracked cement step by our door. I’m really glad everything is getting done in a timely fashion but – WHEW – it’s a lot to handle all at once.

Honestly, I’m feeling inadequate and insecure over the whole thing. I feel like people are looking at me like there’s something wrong with me because I couldn’t just pack and get moved out in a weekend. I’m ashamed it’s taken me longer, and I am ashamed I’ve had to ask so many people for help. I have friends and family reassuring me that it’s OKAY — but sometimes despite all that, it’s hard not to feel like a failure. I feel like there’s something wrong with me and I feel guilty about how hard I’ve been leaning on others for help.

*sigh*

But despite everything, there have been rays of sunshine this October that have made it all worth it: I love our new home. It’s tiny and there are boxes everywhere right now. But I love it. It’s HOME. We had friends over for dinner. We carved jack-o-lanterns in the kitchen. The kids play and run in the yard and the pets have settled in too.

It’s all coming along, and it will all be worth it — but oh my. I don’t want to move again for a long, LONG time.

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