Boob Tape: Great for Boobs but Not Just for Boobs

Not me physically, of course. I am not a frequently-stolen office supply that connects pieces of paper with metal. That’s okay if you thought otherwise. I am, however, one of those people who sees a problem and fixes it with staples — split seams, unruly pant hems, broken hair ties, burritos.

But sometimes things shouldn’t be stapled. Silk shirts, for examples. Skin. This is a hard reality for a stapler to learn, but its blow is greatly eased by the existence of boob tape.

Boob tape rules for a variety of reasons. For starters, just try saying boob tape without a smile. Boob tape.

For another reason, boob tape is fairly cheap. My go-to is by Hollywood Fashion Secrets, though there’s similar versions at every major drugstore I’ve visited recently (check the emergency sewing-kit aisle). And boob flash: it’s double sided. That means it’s more or less a sticky staple that won’t send you to the emergency room upon application to your nip or finger tip.

It’s become such a part of my life that I keep it in my arsenal at all times. You just never know when you need to do one of the following:

1) Keep the collar of a shirt in its exact and intended fold.

Collars have a goddamn mind of their own, and 9 times out of 10 their agenda is opposite yours. But boob tape keeps them at the precise degree of foldetry so that you can show off your collar bone, your necklaces, and get within that .3 danger zone of is-she-or-isn’t-she wearing a bra.

2) Crop a top…

…that you either borrowed or stole or bought to wear with the intention of returning tomorrow (not that I condone the last two, miscreants!). This is useful when tucking doesn’t work, or when you’re looking for a new shirt shape but not ready to commit.

3) Keep your damn sleeves in place.

Jenna Lyons showed us the Only Way to roll your sleeves, but I find that no matter how correct your execution, there’s always one sleeve that gets drunk and falls down. Use boob tape to secure your sleeve’s grip before the final flip and then flex as hard as you please at the gun show.

Need a visual? Great, because Leandra made me pay her in sandcastles in order to model.

Cha-ching! That was the sound of my stapler clapping.