In Honor of Shoesday: All the Shoes of Fashion Week

If one was to ignore Fashion Week save for the footwear that premieres, there is a good chance that person would still come up with enough overarching trend-fodder to talk her face off until the cows are like, “Okay, I’ll come home — just shut the fuck up.” Case in point: the Fall/Winter season that just wrapped in Paris, which provided a great deal of information on what shoe silhouettes will stay, what new ones will sprout and what quiet trends that have been interspersed throughout previous seasons will stake their claims on your feet through the next substantial batch of snowflakes and black ice. But where does that leave you, specifically, right?

Consider this an FAQ that might make imminent shoe shopping feel a little more strategic.

What shoes are still worth the investment? Pumps.

What shoes should I shelve? Open-toe ankle-length booties. My dad was right; they are ridiculous.

What shoes should I stop buying? Your life is so glamorous. I don’t think I’ve ever had to ponder shoe-style-shopping suspension.

Can I still wear pointed toes? Yeah, it’s actually weird if you don’t, they’re now also present on boots, kitten heels, flats and at the top of Jewish cookies called Hamentashen.

Speaking of kitten heels — what about them? Still around, my friend. (Balenciaga even showed off fur trim to be dramatic.) So if you’ve held out this long, I suggest throwing in the needlepoint, monogrammed towel. The heels, though still short, are getting thicker, however; cue Prada, cue Miu Miu.

What are the “boots” of next Fall? You’ll have to decide that for yourself because you’re you and I’m me but the silhouette will more-than-likely be knee high, as evidenced by Christian Dior, J.W. Anderson, Loewe, Pucci, Saint Laurent, Altuzarra and a whole host of other flapping Annes.

But that doesn’t mean that my calf-grazers should be stowed, right? So right! Fendi, Dries van Noten, Carven, Marni, Chloe and even Céline are a proof of that.

Will my shoes help me escape the banalities of my life? Not as well as, say, a narcotic might — but yes, yes indeed. DSquared 2, Peter Pilotto and Rochas have confirmed this.

Is Gothcore a Thing? According to Alexander Wang, uh, yeah.

Should I invest in flats or heels? That depends on your commute to work — but I’d say the safer bet is flats. Look to Michael Kors’ slew of boots as a frame of reference.

Can I wear mules after summer? Proenza Schouler practically demands it.

Who do you think will be elected president in 2016? Oprah.