What Would You Have Worn to The Oscars?

The Oscars are to Paris Fashion Week what the Golden Globes are to New York Fashion Week in that the latter two events are mere warm ups for the big swinging, heavy weight lifting champions that remind us with a kind of equanimity why art — entertainment – with its dexterity to suspend real life, keep the wheels of human survival in motion. Because without it, what are we left with if not just death, taxes and dental bills?

But that warm up — the sort of set of jumping jacks to a squat sequence, or glass of wine to a tequila bender, are an important sharpening component that doesn’t quite allow for the same level of spectator engagement without its presence. This was acutely on display last night at the Oscars, where the red carpet dresses that were all but shit on what had been on tap at the Golden Globes. Call it the aftermath of an especially long fashion week that reframed the references of various stylists or just simply a splash of novelty from designers who tested their own comfort zones (I’m thinking specifically of the pearl contraption Francisco Costa of Calvin Klein put together for Lupita Nyong’o) but it was good.

So good that our commentary kind of fell flat. How many times could a triad of writers remark over the course of a two hour pre-show that (insert celebrity here) looked great? How many eye rolls could we have assigned to Khloe Kardashian’s clearly JV approach to red carpet fashion before our lids gave up on us? And so, we turned the camera unto ourselves, posing the question of what we would have worn to the Oscars.

Amelia couldn’t answer, which makes perfect sense given how fundamentally fickle she is (she can’t even decide whether she wants coffee or water when she sits down for brunch) but my assumption is that she’d have placed a formal pony at the crown of her head, no doubt.

Esther settled on this, from Christian Siriano’s Fall 2015 collection:

Which we just realized Solange Knowles actually did wear last night. How about that?

And as for me? I’d have made like a tropical Kermit drinking daiquiris on a beach with Bruce Jenner somewhere not far from Monte Carlo in Rosie Assoulin.

There is a possibility I could have made the Worst Dressed List according to the anterior Kardashian, but would have been a victory among the denizens of real fashion, no? Of course, the truly important question here is what you would have worn. So, what is it? There is a very wealthy bank of collections behind us to re-imagine yourself as last night’s Julianne Moore. Do share.

Images via E! Online