Sunday is a good day

If you are looking forward to a typical Sunday post,I have to disappoint you.

The reason for this is my previous Sunday post which was really very personal and for which I was severely criticized.
I am not made of stone, and things like this touch me to the heart (those who will now say to me: “as a public person you ought to be ready for the criticism”, can go to hell – sorry for abusive language, but that’s the way it is), and that’s why I had thought twice and even thrice about whether I really should put it online, whether it is not too delicate, but that was exactly what I have been thinking and feeling for some time, and it seemed right to me to be honest with you. So I listened to my gut instinct. However, even that is sometimes mistaken, because it happened exactly what I was afraid of.
The post caused misunderstandings, or, better to say, some people understand only what they wanted to understand.

Of course I expected (constructive) criticism, even personal criticism of my person and my attitude, but I was kind of pissed off at the end of the day and was not in the vein for “personal posts” – at least not so explicitly personal.

In the meanwhile I have already thought about putting off the Sunday post, but of course I have rejected this idea at once, as in the end that’s exactly what makes me and my blog – the personality behind it.
This is really the foundation stone of my blog, and even if it sometimes I have to deal with the consequences thereof, I was actually quite happy about it – really.
“Why on earth do I do that at all?” I asked myself at that moment. “I do it for my readers …” was the answer. But the queasy feeling would not go away.

The next day, of course, the world already looked completely different, and I could distance myself from the comments, but the unpleasant aftertaste lingered, so I understood very soon that I needed some time until I felt ready to open my heart again as I did last week.
Sometimes I think about how much easier it would be to keep a blog dedicated solely to fashion, preferably without any text at all.
A blog which would show only looks and not the personality behind it.
A blog which would have just a few vulnerable spots.
A blog that would bring me more leisure time, money and international recognition.
And yet I could not do that.
It wouldn’t be my blog any more.
It would be too easy – and “easy” is something which I am not very fond of.
I like challenges and I love sharing myself, but it has its flip side, too – how could it be otherwise?

Because of the vulnerability, which I automatically offer, some people consider it necessary to take advantage of it and to criticize me indiscriminately and sometimes groundlessly.
I just don’t want it any more.
Since I started keeping this blog, I have had to listen to an enormous amount of criticism, concerning my figure, my attitude to life or my personality in general. The irony behind this is, of course, that I don’t know by whom I am criticized, I don’t know, whether these people just work off their own dissatisfaction on me or they really have good intentions. A lot of people just express their opinion, without thinking about whether I want to hear it now or not.
And I don’t even know most of these people; I have never met them, have never spoken to them and can’t judge what kind of people these critics are. Are they good-hearted or are they envious? Are they realistic or even a bit crazy?
It’s pretty easy to see only the faults in others, especially if someone admits these faults himself, but do we have a right to criticize people for their weaknesses? I don’t know.
All I know is that I don’t feel like taking part in this kind of conversations. After years of criticism I just don’t feel like letting people attack me again. It annoys me and takes up my energy that I could use for creative processes.
Perhaps it is simply this:
Maybe I’m detached from reality.
Maybe I live in a dream world.
Maybe I’m arrogant.
Maybe I am even bold.
And I think I am unlikeable.
My God, it seems to be true.
These are characteristics which I would not necessarily attribute to myself, but my readers who know me “only” through the blog, surely know better. In the end, I’m happy. I am happy with my job and my life. I am happy with my figure and my style. I’m happy with the experience I gain and the opportunities I use.
I am happy – and I am at peace with myself.
This is wonderful and I would actually like to keep it the way it is.
As well as my Sunday posts.

Now it looks like a typical Sunday post.