i am done

The start of the new year is a bit down-tempo. Missed a golden opportunity to meet a tall buff good-looking guy, grounded in a very sad way, the inability to do whatever i want to do although i do make my own living now. Having your parents have no faith or belief in you and treated you like a prisoner. The thought of me meeting my dad's eyes scares the hell out of me.

I know I am not lonely, I am not alone, I have awesome things ahead of me, waiting for me to embrace them all into my hug. Tears and laughters aren't enough for me to express myself, I need another dimension to vanish and be myself. I want to show the world who I really am, how I am so not into commitment these days, how I love to explore things and how I want to be free. This cage would really drive me crazy, and God please forgive me for I thought of things I should never think of. I hate the fact that I have been hurting the people around me, how I deceive them into thinking that I am okay. I am not okay, I need some space and privacy, I need some help and someone to talk to. Who wouldn't judge and just accept me the way I am.

So many things happened in 2014 that gave me the shock and agony. Perplexed situations came up, unsolvable obstacles keep on banging my head. I am tired enough, tired of trying to be happy. I love to daydream and let my mind loose. I often sit and stare into nothing, my mind hovers above my imagination, trying to find the zen, the peace and serenity. The more I am conscious about my surrounding and my life, the more I feel down in the dumps. Every piece of me is scattered on the ground, I'd love to have someone picked up the pieces for me, but then again, I believe that person would be judging and controlling.

Tell me again now, how can I regain people's trust and faith? Cuz i do know myself, trust is like a brittle glass, once you break it, you might be able to glue em all together, but the piece remains broken and full of flaws. I know I did so bad til my parents couldn't even forgive me. I am a bad daughter yes I am. The girl in misery, yes it's me. I just hope 2015 gives the best out of emself and let me shine through with big bright smile.
thanks for reading. thanks for being you.
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