Musical Mondays: Forget

When I was in my early twenties I bounced back from things quickly. Heartbreak? Yeah it hurt, but it didn't take long for me to feel again-or at least to try again. Friends used to compliment me on my ability to try again with everything I had-no matter how disastrous the failure had been before, and I loved that about myself. I chalked it up as one of my prevailing qualities-and I prided myself in it.
As I've gotten older I seem to have lost this quality. I don't bounce back and I cannot even bring myself to try again. Going on dates? It feels like torture. I never like them, and it's starting to feel like it'll be impossible to ever like someone as much as I've liked someone in the past. I'm starting to feel like it'll be impossible to love anyone ever again.

One part of my brain realizes that that is a ridiculous thought. Of course I'll love someone again, but it feels impossible when your heart still belongs elsewhere and every guy you go out with seems completely not right for you. It feels even more difficult when those guys that you don't feel attracted to are completely nice guys that are very interested in you and you end up having to let them down.

To be completely honest, the next time I'm feeling rejected can someone please remind me that I'd rather be rejected than have to do the rejecting? That feels really awful and feeling guilty on top of feeling discouraged makes things even more difficult.

I want to forget. I want to forget the heartache from the past, the guilt from the present, and the apprehension of the future. I just want to forget it and move forward with home again. I want to bounce back, but first I have to forget.
This week's song: Forget by Marina & The Diamonds

Sometimes I think I'm not that strong But there's a force that carries me on Sick of my small heart made of steel Sick of the wounds that never heal (Never heal)
'Cause I have lived my life in debt I've spent my days in deep regret Yeah I've been living in the red Because I can't forgive and I can't forget
Forget, forget, forget, forget Ain't no time for regret Yeah it's time to forget
Ever since I can remember life was like a tipping scale Like an abacus played with counting every win and fail
'Cause I have lived my life in debt I've spent my days in deep regret Yeah I've been living in the red Because I can't forgive and I can't forget
Forget, forget, forget, forget Ain't no time for regret Yeah it's time to be letting go Baby you know what I'm talking about Got nothing to lose and nothing to prove Oh baby I'm bowing out, out I'm bowing out
Yeah I've been dancing with the devil, I love that he pretends to care If I never get to heaven when a million dollars gets you there Oh all the times that I have wasted chasing rabbits down the hall When I was born to be the tortoise, I was born to walk alone
Forget about it, forget about it, forget about it
Forget, forget, forget, forget Aint no time for regret I'm gonna leave the past behind I've had enough I'm breaking free No pressing stop, erase, rewind The chain of thought that followed me
I'll put my money where my mouth is for the first time in my life I've made mistakes but I believe that everything was worth the fight 'Cause in the end the road is long but only 'cause it makes you strong It's filled with peaks, and twists, and turns-sometimes you have to learn to forget about it

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