Prelude to a Black Moon
I've always had mixed feelings about dreams. Many of you out there probably keep a dream journal or hold in high value the spiritual interpretations of the subconscious realm. As a skeptic, I've always been a bit wary of such practices, yet last night I experienced a dream that I believe was meant to make a very meaningful point pertaining to some past experiences in my life.
I'm sure most of you are familiar with the 1986 movie Labyrinth starring David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly. As a young teenage girl, I strongly identified with the character of Sarah. In comparison to most of my peers, I was rather mature and aloof, my head in a constant world of romantic fantasy and my wardrobe in a comparative state of alternative creativity. I idealized the concept of finding myself in a surreal realm of magic, playing the object of desire and obsession to an eccentric Goblin King. There is an uncanny power gained when the most innocent of creatures realizes the great emotional sway she has over someone more magnanimous and worldly than herself.
Such were the feelings I experienced upon finding myself romantically entangled with a real-life Jareth. It was exciting and glamorous to be caught up in his intricate and unique world. I was quite literally the virgin queen of his realm of fantasy. But as things progressed, that is exactly what our relationship turned out to be: a fantasy. In the same way as Jareth ruled over a kingdom of derelict creatures and dysfunctional goblins, my own man was caught up in a counterproductive world of his own. What appeared to be a haven of beauty and substance turned out to be an ugly dark prison. The positive aspects of our relationship and his kingdom, even the aspects that had true potential, were constantly swathed in an unbreakable cloak of negativity. Protectiveness turned into control, lavish attention morphed into gross inconsideration, and gentle love and laughter became abuse and tears of sadness.
I found myself held fast in a web. The saddest part about the web that it had not been created intentionally by my Goblin King. He didn't purposefully try to put me in such a position with truly vindictive intentions; his own true nature knew nothing less. It was automatic impulse for him to cast his bait and reel home a fine catch without even realizing the part he played in such a process.
Like Sarah, my own dark journey of fantasy came to a bittersweet yet ultimately blessed end. Pardon me while I quote from
I'm sure most of you are familiar with the 1986 movie Labyrinth starring David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly. As a young teenage girl, I strongly identified with the character of Sarah. In comparison to most of my peers, I was rather mature and aloof, my head in a constant world of romantic fantasy and my wardrobe in a comparative state of alternative creativity. I idealized the concept of finding myself in a surreal realm of magic, playing the object of desire and obsession to an eccentric Goblin King. There is an uncanny power gained when the most innocent of creatures realizes the great emotional sway she has over someone more magnanimous and worldly than herself.
Such were the feelings I experienced upon finding myself romantically entangled with a real-life Jareth. It was exciting and glamorous to be caught up in his intricate and unique world. I was quite literally the virgin queen of his realm of fantasy. But as things progressed, that is exactly what our relationship turned out to be: a fantasy. In the same way as Jareth ruled over a kingdom of derelict creatures and dysfunctional goblins, my own man was caught up in a counterproductive world of his own. What appeared to be a haven of beauty and substance turned out to be an ugly dark prison. The positive aspects of our relationship and his kingdom, even the aspects that had true potential, were constantly swathed in an unbreakable cloak of negativity. Protectiveness turned into control, lavish attention morphed into gross inconsideration, and gentle love and laughter became abuse and tears of sadness.
I found myself held fast in a web. The saddest part about the web that it had not been created intentionally by my Goblin King. He didn't purposefully try to put me in such a position with truly vindictive intentions; his own true nature knew nothing less. It was automatic impulse for him to cast his bait and reel home a fine catch without even realizing the part he played in such a process.
Like Sarah, my own dark journey of fantasy came to a bittersweet yet ultimately blessed end. Pardon me while I quote from
this scene, and you'll get a very realistic peek into said former relationship:
"Look what I'm offering you: your dreams. I ask for so little. Just let me rule you and you can have everything that you want. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."
How does this promise even make the slightest iota of sense? What I truly wanted was my freedom and there was no way that I could have it if "ruled" by anyone, much less a cold hearted twin of Jareth. How could he be my slave if I was the one fearing him, loving him, and doing as he said? It was a truly convoluted and senseless way of thinking that morphed into a deadly and addictive cycle.
I finally saw the light when I realized that it was myself, not my Goblin King, who was giving him all the power in the relationship. He had no power over me unless I chose to give it to him. When I stopped caring, his power over me evaporated. The fantasy that was once his kingdom and our relationship burst and disappeared much in the same way as the crystal ball proffered to Sarah turned out to be a mere bubble, a false illusion of splendor.
Last night's dream: I was creating a beautiful bower with flowers and food and white mosquito netting (which I was rather oddly painting black with mascara) in preparation for a fanciful party, much akin to the ballroom scene from Labyrinth. However, the arrival of the Goblin King and his entourage had a strangely hostile air, as Jareth and his minions cleverly disguised themselves as mannequins and silently positioned themselves around the venue. I found the mannequin that I knew was the Goblin King, and even though this dream was pertaining to the original movie (not my own experiences), the Goblin King had taken the form of my own previous love interest. However, he was a physically degenerate and broken down version of the man he used to be. Like Dorian Gray, his outward physique had come to match his insides. I tried to feel a twinge of pity for the man I had once loved, but he repulsed me to the core in every possible way.
Perhaps it is surprising how calm I felt upon awakening from the subconscious world. I felt no sense of trauma or horror, nor nostalgia or melancholy longing for what might have been. Only a sharp sense of reality filled my brain, and I realized that that dream was about the most possible accurate nutshell-summary of my former days. For whatever reason, I experienced this dream as a reassurance to leave the past behind and embrace the future, whatever that may bring.
Blessings and hope,
~Hope Adela
Photo: Good Ship Photography Wardrobe: Pink Champagne Vintage
FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER
"Look what I'm offering you: your dreams. I ask for so little. Just let me rule you and you can have everything that you want. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."
How does this promise even make the slightest iota of sense? What I truly wanted was my freedom and there was no way that I could have it if "ruled" by anyone, much less a cold hearted twin of Jareth. How could he be my slave if I was the one fearing him, loving him, and doing as he said? It was a truly convoluted and senseless way of thinking that morphed into a deadly and addictive cycle.
I finally saw the light when I realized that it was myself, not my Goblin King, who was giving him all the power in the relationship. He had no power over me unless I chose to give it to him. When I stopped caring, his power over me evaporated. The fantasy that was once his kingdom and our relationship burst and disappeared much in the same way as the crystal ball proffered to Sarah turned out to be a mere bubble, a false illusion of splendor.
Last night's dream: I was creating a beautiful bower with flowers and food and white mosquito netting (which I was rather oddly painting black with mascara) in preparation for a fanciful party, much akin to the ballroom scene from Labyrinth. However, the arrival of the Goblin King and his entourage had a strangely hostile air, as Jareth and his minions cleverly disguised themselves as mannequins and silently positioned themselves around the venue. I found the mannequin that I knew was the Goblin King, and even though this dream was pertaining to the original movie (not my own experiences), the Goblin King had taken the form of my own previous love interest. However, he was a physically degenerate and broken down version of the man he used to be. Like Dorian Gray, his outward physique had come to match his insides. I tried to feel a twinge of pity for the man I had once loved, but he repulsed me to the core in every possible way.
Perhaps it is surprising how calm I felt upon awakening from the subconscious world. I felt no sense of trauma or horror, nor nostalgia or melancholy longing for what might have been. Only a sharp sense of reality filled my brain, and I realized that that dream was about the most possible accurate nutshell-summary of my former days. For whatever reason, I experienced this dream as a reassurance to leave the past behind and embrace the future, whatever that may bring.
Blessings and hope,
~Hope Adela
Photo: Good Ship Photography Wardrobe: Pink Champagne Vintage
FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER
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