Not Quite Dead

I felt I should address those of you who are wondering if I am dead or something.

Nope. Still here … despite my penchant for lighting things on fire.

A friend of mine suggested, “You should post a meme of your head on a skeleton and tell everyone that due to unforeseen circumstances, most likely setting things on fire, you have taken a short break until things improve.”

This is the best I can do.

Guys, things have been wild and crazy around here. But you don’t really want to hear excuses, I know… except maybe the one about my dog having her toe chopped off, because that’s a good one. But the other ones are sort of squishy and whiny, and I feel honor-bound to uphold our content standards of farts and penis jokes, so I won’t write about that shit here.

I don’t blame you for thinking I have legit disappeared, and this is how it would go down if I actually did disappear. I would just stop posting one day. None of that crap where a blogger dramatically throws a giant “I quit” tantrum as a last PR stunt and a way to squeeze a little more traffic out of her waning pageviews. No, someday I will just dissipate like a fart in the wind. (See, I can write about this, as long as I can squeeze in a fart joke. Or is it squeeze out a fart joke? Hurhur.)

Anyways, this is not that fart. Um. What I mean to say is that I have not quit, I shall return, and I’m working some things out. If you’re bored in the meantime, please follow me on my personal Twitter account. I say funny shit there from time to time and even drop an f-bomb occasionally, though this is my safehouse for fucks. (Wait, that sounded wrong.)

See you soon!

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