five

Five.
This one is hard for me. I can tear up at a moments notice and if there is one sign that one of my kids' birthdays is coming up, me scrolling through old photos and getting misty-eyed is a dead give away.

Why five? I don't know. It might be because Hayes is a full fledged boy all of the sudden. Any traces of babyhood I used to see glimmers of are gone. He is so grown up. He is smart and inquisitive and logical and lets no problem stand in his way.

He continues to be an excellent negotiator and can logic his way out of most pickles. He has talked me out of my own ways more than once and sees the world in such a unafraid way. He can think any through and I love that about him. He also has what I would guess is a near photographic memory, recalls details and facts about things I have long forgotten. Driving around town is always a reminder of this because he brings up things that happened at places from years ago. I have grown accustomed to asking him where I left things, where my keys, phone, bag is.

He is so incredibly loving. He tells me he loves me mostly out of nowhere, he checks on me and remembers me and remembers things I tell him and what I enjoy and like and dislike. He loves to help out and learn a new task. He loves to cook and he loves a good project. He is still napping every other day and would give it up altogether but when I insist on a quiet time he always falls asleep. He is all the sudden an early bird which has taken us getting used to. Gone are the days of him sleeping until 10 am.

Russ had a buddies trip last weekend and instead of counting down the hours at home in the cold we drove down to St. George with the buddies' wives to swim and enjoy the sunshine. Seeing Hayes out of his element and how wonderful he was to everyone, how polite and well behaved, how full of life and adventurous. How he wants so badly to try and excel at new things and if I give him a little patience he will come around to just about anything. He is so good with babies and little kids, he truly loves babies. They are his jam. He loves to play with them, hold them, talk about them and comment on how tiny they are, thinks nothing is cuter than when a toddler talks gibberish. He asks about a baby brother or sister (or 7!) often and there just isn't a better boy for the job. I look forward to the day where I get to see him meet and take care of another sibling. What a lucky boy or girl they are!!

Hayes is so fun and funny, always looking to make someone laugh or smile. He loves to scare his brother and hear him squeal, he has learned to love the art of teasing and also seems to be picking up a lot of mannerisms and interests of older boys he spends time with. He is such an individual with unique and original taste and ideas and I hope that he doesn't lose that even when I see him itching to be similar to others. He has a real potty mouth and while I totally get it and have the same type of humor, we've been working on it lots this year. He is so receptive to guidance and correction and tries so hard. He is as good as gold and always wanting to do the right thing.

a butt on his pumpkin

whatever it takes for a laugh.

Hayes is close to reading, rides his bike and scooter all day long, loves to play video games with friends and play football on the grass. He is tall and strong and so handsome. He is emotional and sensitive and reasonable and rational. He loves to eat steak from anywhere and mac and cheese from Noodles & Co. He eats all day it seems and will never not smile when I give him a kiss. When I think of him taking a bus to Kindergarten it makes me want to run and hide. It just hurts to even imagine, although I know he will love it. Time is brutal and looking at pictures of him so small feels like yesterday, but we have lifetime of memories to show for it as well. I sometimes wish for even a few minutes with baby Hayes again, he has brought me so much joy.

I look back at the last couple years especially with a lot of guilt. I have not always afforded him the patience and loving ways he deserves. I have often lost my temper, brushed his feelings off, thrown my hands up in defeat when he needed me most. I made a goal before his birthday to go an entire month with loving, controlled, and consistent parenting. To parent him the way I know he deserves and the way I know he will thrive. 21 days to make a habit? 31 should be even better. I feel so much more connected to him and he seems to be so grateful for this new feeling in our home. One of my greatest stresses is that I spend more effort on Cal then him. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and Cal is squeakiest for sure. So many times I am parenting Cal over and over and over and my eyes drift to Hayes, my heart aches and wish I could be in two places at once. I know Cal will outgrow this tricky phase, and am excited for the day when Cal can return the loving way Hayes treats him more often and the brotherhood I know is there.

I think I'm so weepy because Hayes is just so good. He is everything good and brings our family so much happiness. It's hard to think that the years will keep on passing and before I know it I might not have him run into my bed each morning. I love watching him grow and learn and can't wait to see what amazing things he accomplishes and will be spending all day today celebrating both.

Happy birthday Hayes baby Hayes, we love love love you!