a runlove reminder
Friday, I took a much needed day off. Admittedly, I’ve been joking that I’ve been suffering from pre-marathon syndrome. Symptoms include changes in appetite, mood swings, irritability, residual soreness and general anxiety.
Oh – and far too much focus on stats like pace, looking at elevation and the like. It was getting to a point where I was beginning to psyche myself out less than two weeks before my first marathon. Thus, after an amazingly reassuring message from an ultra runner I look up to, I decided to take myself to the trail on Friday. Hydraquiver loaded up with pineapple Skratch, bits on board too, I warmed up a bit in the lot, adjusted my pack one last time and took a deep, steadying breath.
It was time for me to run for the sake of running once again, to enjoy it, and to remind myself of the runlove within.
Spoiled by the weather much? It was breezy but warm enough for a tank top under a light jacket. The sunlight filtering through trees at Wildcat Canyon never fails to give me pause. The soft, slippery leaves underfoot always make me feel like a new fawn, slowly figuring out my own mechanics with every step.
As I trotted along I didn’t look at my Garmin. The mini fartlek game was played and I refused to shame myself if I walked a few steps while I shook out my tight right hip – this run was about soaking it all in. Deep in the trees I could hear wild turkeys calling, the quiet rustle of the occasional mouse or scurrying vole as I padded by. Nature’s morning song is constantly remixed and always lovely on the ears.
A little ways down the ‘usual’ path I spotted a gate with a path I had never been up before. I saw a post in the distance and thought “I want to see what it looks like from there.”
Naturally, I had chosen a hill that didn’t seem terrible from the bottom but wasn’t exactly an easy glide to the top. However, it was most definitely rewarding upon arrival.
For reasons I cannot explain, the sky opened, the clouds parted and the wind slowed to a gentle breeze for about five minutes while I stood next to my new friend, the post. (It was quite the post! I’m not sure which of us was taller or weighed more.) It was almost as though Mother Nature had heard I was trying to revive my runlove, and wanted to be sure I did not leave the park with any doubts.
Mesh tank top in early March, green hills, sunshine? Trail running, I f-ing love you. No wonder I was insane enough to take on a trail race with very, very little training as my second half marathon. It’s beautiful outside.
As I billy-goated down the hill, bobbing and trotting, skipping and laughing, I knew there was a huge, giddy smile on my face and quite honestly I do hope that someone caught a glimpse of it, because I am positive that in that moment, the joy of I felt was undoubtedly projected from deep within me. It was freeing; the reward for climbing was the flight of descent. As the wind whipped my ponytail into my face and tears rolled down my cheeks, I laughed and felt my worries crumbling, falling from my shoulders. I ran faster. Every step more and more anxiety shook loose. Down, down, down, till I fluttered to a stop, never turning to see what I had left behind.
Back on the main trail I let a playful nature take over. I darted down side paths I had never explored before. I dawdled near streams and smiled into the rising sun. Every passerby human and canine received my ‘good morning’ and a smile – and it was all genuine. Mission: rekindle runlove, complete.
Time is not what is important in this coming race. It is not about goal times, about gunning for age group placement or trying to break a PR. Sunday will be about accomplishment, about pushing outside the comfort zone. It will be about soaking in the experience of it, pushing through the bad and savoring the good, and not letting a moment go to waste. It’s about the last mile and all that it means. As my sage friend said, you only get one first marathon – and I promised her that I would give myself the give of those memories. Friday out on the trail I let go of all the things that had been plaguing
Out there, I let myself lose focus – and that, ultimately, was the best way to regain it.
Next weekend I will be taking on the Oakland Marathon. If you see me on the course, please say hi!
