Workaholic

The other day I was accused of being a “workaholic,” and while my first instinct was to react (badly, of course), I chose not to really react at all, and instead just sort of let this accusation marinate a bit. Thought about it, weighed it out, asked myself if this was a good or a bad thing, what it means for people in my life… etc, etc. I’ve been thinking about it ever since, so naturally, I had to blog it out. How does anyone without a blog sort out all their feelings? I have no idea. ;)
Lately I have found myself in this strange quandary where I always feel busy, always feel behind, can never fully enjoy being in the moment because my brain is always ten steps ahead of me, pushing me, propelling me forward, causing me a perpetual sense of anxiety and inability to be fully present in anything. I always feel like the crazed rabbit from Alice In Wonderland… “We’re late, we’re late! For a very important date!” and I’d need more than two hands to count all the times I’ve said to someone in my life lately “I’m so BUSY. I’m so BEHIND on work.” In other words, “I don’t have time for you.”
AND I HATE THAT. I don’t want to be that person. No one likes that person. I think, after mulling it over a while, I’ve decided that being a workaholic isn’t necessarily a bad thing depending on the context, but in my case, I think it IS a bad thing. I need desperately to learn balance. I think it’s especially hard for a young business owner to find balance when there is ALWAYS more to be done. The future of your business is 100% in YOUR hands. Each and every responsibility that comes with running your business (in my case, marketing, communication with clients, packaging design, shipping, contracts, web design and copy, bookkeeping (or lack thereof), location scouting, shooting, editing, networking, rebranding, blogging sessions, planning for the future, etc, etc, etc - not including ANYTHING to do with running this blog and creating good content here!) falls entirely into YOUR lap, and no one else’s. It really cannot be delegated, unless you hire an intern. You must simply sit down to your work each day, accomplish as much as you can in order of priority, and when it’s time to clock out at 6:00 o’clock or whenever you decide to call it a day, it’s so important to say to yourself “I did all I could today, and I am proud of my work. My work is not finished, but it will never be. And that’s OK. Tomorrow I will chip away at more, and everything will be OK. But now, NOW I will go be present in my home and in my REAL life with people I love.”
So much easier said than done. But today I’m asking myself for grace. And calm. And peace. I want to ENJOY my work. And then I want to ENJOY my life. At the end of this day, my work will not be finished. I will not be “all caught up.” I don’t think “all caught up” will exist for me anymore. But it IS important to understand when work is done for the day. It IS important to stop using the “busy” language. YOU create the environment you exist in. You create it with your words and with your actions. With how much work you take on, and the price tag you place on your time. So my project now is to be mindful of creating that serenity I so crave in my life. To choose it and embody it and be it, for myself and those around me.
Amen, and amen.
follow: Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Bloglovin | Pinterest | Photography