I Want To Be Just A Housewife

I rarely post in-depth personal thoughts in my blog but ever since I had this conversation with an older friend, my brain kept nagging me to do a post. So here goes the conversation that sparked it all (actually it was quite a monologue.)

FRIEND: Cecilia (her daughter) went home late the other night after meeting her 2 other high school friends. They haven’t seen each other for quite some time since all of them are too busy with their work. You know, they are all managers in Company A and Company B. They weren’t among the top students in their class but they ended up as managers anyway.

ME: Nods and listens.

FRIEND: Their top classmates (probably valedictorian or in the honor roll) are currently just housewives. One is (or was) a doctor but now stays home to look after the kids. Her husband has a clinic though. The other one also just takes care of the kids.

ME: Still listening but already composing this post in mind…

I know that she didn’t directly say that the two housewives are far less successful than the three girls who “weren’t even on top of their class,” but it was quite implied especially if you live in the Philippines where being a woman executive is a measurement of success. In our country, it is not uncommon to hear people saying, “Sayang naman pinangpa-enrol sa ‘yo tapos sa bahay ka lang…” (Such a waste of tuition fee if you’re just going to stay home and be a housewife…).

I have to admit, I had this mentality too before I became a mom. All I wanted after college was to become a creative director, a position in advertising industry I thought was prestigious. After a few years in an ad agency, I decided to quit and be a freelancer instead since I was making more money and had the freedom to work anywhere and anytime convenient for me. I wanted my own design company but then I gave birth to my son and decided to put my dream on hold, although I continued accepting freelance work.

Two years ago, I started this blog and my OCD kicked in. I wanted to improve the house we “borrowed” from my in-laws. I wanted to organize all our stuff, keep the house sparkling as if always ready for an interior pictorial. I want to be a health buff, prepare my family meals from scratch so I would know what exactly are in the food they are eating. I want to homeschool Bryce (and my husband agrees completely) and teach him myself. I want to sew some of our clothes and of course, do a lot of crafting.

I was enjoying my newly found hobbies and embracing my role as a mom, housewife and freelance designer. I thought I could do without house help soon since Bryce was almost 4 years old. But then, I got pregnant last year and with the arrival of a new baby, it is now quite impossible to continue doing all these. Some things now have to be removed from my priority list and sadly, that’s crafting and decorating. What is on top now is taking care of Kenya (she’s 7 months now and still is exclusively breast-fed) and meeting my deadlines which are much harder than I thought.

After the “conversation,” I can’t help envying the two housewives. I wish I could be “just a housewife” too, so my family could have freshly cooked meals everyday instead of occasional take-aways and frozen meals. I wish I didn’t have any deadlines to beat so that I could always have time to play with Bryce and do crafts together. I wish I didn’t have clients to please so I didn’t need to hire a nanny to take care of Kenya. But I can’t, since I have to help my husband with our finances. It’s not that I don’t like working. I do love my job and I get some kind of fulfillment whenever I finish a project. But I love being hands-on mom even more.

Not to brag or anything, but I have quite an educational achievement too like the housewives mentioned earlier. I graduated with honors back in high school, B.F.A holder and was thesis of the year in college. I would have graduated Cum Laude had I not stopped for a year to take a crash course (did not finish though because I had to go back home) in Multimedia Arts in Calgary. (There was a rule that a student should be enrolled for at least 6 consecutive semesters to qualify for the honors. I stopped after my sophomore year so I only had four consecutive semesters spent in UST.) Imagine the “waste” if I would just be a housewife. But I don’t care… I had tried to excel during my student years and I will try to do my best now.

I am a mom, I am a wife and I already have my own company to run — our household. I am greatly responsible for the people (my kids and husband) under my “management.” An employee’s well-being, spiritual, emotional, physical aspects are beyond the manager’s concern. What happens to them after office hours is rarely his business and he cannot be blamed for the employee’s misbehavior after he is out of the office. A manager’s job ends after he logs out for the day, but a mom and housewife’s duty is 24/7. The kids need to be guided constantly. If the child lacks discipline, the blame is on the parents. Raising disciplined, responsible and independent children is no easy task and the school failed to prepare us for this nor was a manual given to me after signing the marriage contract and giving birth.

One might say, “You can be a mom, a housewife and a career woman at the same time.” Do not judge me, though, I but in my opinion, being a mom and a housewife is multi-tasking itself. I need not enumerate the tasks needed to be done at the same time in order to run the household properly. All hands-on mom sure know this. As the saying goes, no one can serve two masters. Choosing both means you have to work “part-time” on either. I want to choose being “just” a full-time housewife.

My tuition fee was not “sayang” (wasted) because I would use all the knowledge and skills I acquired in school in raising healthy, well-rounded individuals. Although, I do not object to hiring house help or nannies, I personally think that children should not be left without parents for the majority of the day since it is the parents’ job to raise their own kids. But given today’s economic challenges, most wives have to work to help the husband provide for the family. I think being “just a housewife” now is more of a luxury rather than a derogatory title.

I would love to be “just a housewife” because that means we are pretty much financially stable and having to work is just optional for me. I would love to be a “just a housewife” because I would be able to rest physically and mentally when all the chores are done and the kids are asleep instead of scrambling to finish a project. I would love to be “just a housewife” because it breaks my heart whenever my kids yearn for my attention because I spent my time working.

So kudos to all housewives! I think your position is prestigious enough and your reward, even though not monetary, is far greater. It is spending time with your kids everyday, no matter how annoying they can be sometimes. It is witnessing firsthand every single milestone they achieve, not just hearing it from yayas or viewing the video of it. Those moments are too precious to miss. I wouldn’t trade that for a day’s salary because there is no way I can turn back time. I want to be “just a housewife” because I want to be credited for having a cozy house I maintained myself. I deserve a bonus remark that “the food is delicious” from my husband and kids. No amount of money or corporate award can top that.

Sooner or later, I will “just be a housewife!”