Mile Marker #9 ~ [May 18, 2014]

Nine months since August 18th, 2013....10:30 p.m.
That night my whole world changed forever. We all knew it was coming. We had a merciful 'heads up' more than a year earlier. Still the reality of this new life is something I could never have imagined.... not even with another 54 years.
Quite honestly I don't know where I should be... I don't know where others feel I "should be" after nine months. Whatever it is, I don't think I am there. I am erratically searching for balance in my days. What does 'Centered' mean? I think maybe that's one of the things I am wanting to be...centered. I need routine and structure more than ever in my life-
I Think.

Ah, the security of being set, programmed - scheduled each day.
(sounds like an alarm clock) Where has my self confidence gone?
No idea, but it does seems to be ....
GONE.

I know there is Life ahead of me....
Yet, at times I'm unsure
What life is supposed to look or feel like,
Now.

Am I waiting for everything to stop hurting?
Perhaps, but I know better.
Please be kind- don't share Theology... I know what God's Word teaches. I accept that. Those issues have all been settled long ago for me
-for all of us.

I am not questioning God,
I am not ungrateful.
I am not angry, just So alone.
Empty house, empty yard, empty days,
Nights, weekends ~Alone
I recently heard or read this somewhere :
If we Praise God & Thank Him for the Good times,
the sun shiny days,
We must also praise and thank Him in the Valleys,
.....the dark days.
I do~
post script: Isn't it wonderful that with the dawn of each new day we can start fresh, leaving behind the discouraging, sometimes defeating thoughts of the day before.
God is still good~

Jonell Williams-Harrison ( james n mobley line )