Mile Marker #9 ~ [May 18, 2014]
Nine months since August 18th, 2013....10:30 p.m. That night my whole world changed forever. We all knew it was coming. We had a merciful 'heads up' more than a year earlier. Still the reality of this new life is something I could never have imagined.... not even with another 54 years. Quite honestly I don't know where I should be... I don't know where others feel I "should be" after nine months. Whatever it is, I don't think I am there. I am erratically searching for balance in my days. What does 'Centered' mean? I think maybe that's one of the things I am wanting to be...centered. I need routine and structure more than ever in my life- I Think. Ah, the security of being set, programmed - scheduled each day. (sounds like an alarm clock) Where has my self confidence gone? No idea, but it does seems to be .... GONE. I know there is Life ahead of me.... Yet, at times I'm unsure What life is supposed to look or feel like, Now.
Am I waiting for everything to stop hurting? Perhaps, but I know better. Please be kind- don't share Theology... I know what God's Word teaches. I accept that. Those issues have all been settled long ago for me -for all of us.
I am not questioning God, I am not ungrateful. I am not angry, just So alone. Empty house, empty yard, empty days, Nights, weekends ~Alone I recently heard or read this somewhere : If we Praise God & Thank Him for the Good times, the sun shiny days, We must also praise and thank Him in the Valleys, .....the dark days. I do~ post script: Isn't it wonderful that with the dawn of each new day we can start fresh, leaving behind the discouraging, sometimes defeating thoughts of the day before. God is still good~
Jonell Williams-Harrison ( james n mobley line )