florida | the grass is not greener
I post pretty pictures of the ocean, and palm trees on Instagram, and here.
I get a lot of "I wish I had your life" since moving, and "You're so lucky".
I feel like I should clarify.
We had this whole elaborate plan when we made the decision to move to Florida from Tennessee. This plan included transferring within the company Craig was already employed at, with a possible pay increase. Using our savings to pay off credit cards, have a down payment on a place to live and then be able to live comfortably for a few months until we felt settled. Here's what happened. 3 months before our scheduled move date, Craig was forced to resign from his position. The savings we had intended to use for moving and living off of in Florida, we started dipping into to stay afloat in Tennessee. We decided to go ahead with the move, but to move up the date by a month, to hopefully find something in Florida. Craig found a job long after that savings had run out and bills started piling up.
The day it happened, when he got the call to resign. I saw a butterfly that morning. A big beautiful butterfly, circling around me. We had been discussing the move the night before, and when I saw the butterfly, everything felt right. I had this moment of peace about the move. It's something I can not explain. A feeling that this is what is suppose to happen. That florida was what needed to happen. Not even 2 hours later, our lives were thrown into a whirlwind. I cursed that damn butterfly over and over.
To be honest, I feel like this is it. This is where we're suppose to be. We're not there yet. We havn't figured it out, but we will. It's hard. A 60% pay cut is hard in our society. Change is hard.
Adelyn brings up Tennessee a lot lately. Little things. Her ballet teacher, our close friends. The black table we sold prior to moving, but ate dinner at every night. That's hard.
Sometimes, Craig and I take out our frustrations, about our struggles right now, on eachother. That's hard. We know we do it, we catch ourselves. We say I'm sorry. It's still hard.
I always say the grass is never greener. Indeed it is not. We do not all choose our struggles. I have just chosen the scenery in which my struggles occur.
xoxo kristan
Shout out to Kelly G., who emailed me today and totally made my day. you readers never cease to amaze me.
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